Truth be told

Jan 9 , 2014

The new year means it's time to take stock and make some significant life changes, right? Wrong! Change is for politicians and the unfortunate in a minibus queue. Some of us would rather live large and be fabulous.

That said, we can all be better human beings. That's why we make resolutions and contractual pacts with ourselves at the beginning of each solar rotation. The obligations are simple: you agree to certain healthy life commitments in return for benefits down the road.

If you agree to lose weight, for example, you'll look better in a Valentino red dress. If you eat better, you'll have fewer embarrassing episodes of constipation before a big social ball, to be followed by loud stomach gurgles and a sudden and constant need for the toilet when they serve cold foie gras, mediocre salad with goat cheese dressing and a really gamey lamb main course.

The problem is we don't actually want to do anything. The dilemma is how to keep our lifestyles the same but different. Like most aspects of society, it's all about personal image and superficial perceptions. Have you noticed how much Paris Hilton has matured lately, just because she stopped appearing in tabloid headlines? I'm guessing the heiress has probably not become a Harvard doctorate, but it's amazing how a persona makeover can be achieved simply by not appearing in sex tapes or falling over drunk at a nightclub.

Some of us require a bit more work than others. I probably need a little nip-tuck here and there, while others might opt for a complete body makeover. I should control my temper a little more; while some girls should try to control themselves at that time of the month, before they turn green and are recruited by the Avengers. I've decided to be less picky about finding Mr Right, while my girlfriends have to be more strategic in trying to date their way to better jobs.

My most major flaw is that I can be seen as a little vain and self-absorbed. Personally, I think they're just jealous - so it's their problem, not mine - but I concede I can do more to make everyone like me.

For example, I will stop tweeting glamorous selfies from every event I attend. Instead, I will post more spontaneous and fun pictures, like while I am getting ready to attend glam events. Also, people probably don't want to see my face every hour on the hour, so I will limit myself to three postings a day.

Honestly, life hasn't been too difficult, so I want to give back to society. I plan to donate last season's handbags to charity auctions, so less-privileged girls can enjoy my old and tired Guccis and LVs. We all need basic necessities like luxury leather goods, the odd jewellery watch and a tourbillon or three. Lastly, in workaholic Hong Kong, we must learn to appreciate the important things in life.

Making money should not be a value priority. Spending time with friends and loved ones is far more important.

Therefore, make sure you surround yourself with rich people, and perhaps marry one so you'll have their money to spend and not waste your life in the rat race. It just might bring you true happiness in 2014.

The Aristocrat

This article appeared in the South China Morning Post print edition as: Truth be told

When it comes to New Year resolutions, we all have our own selfish agendas