It's true. Every gal wants a gay male best friend to gossip and gab, to spill the beans on boys we fancy, and go shopping for shoes and clothes. And, mostly, to know you can trust them for an honest opinion because they're not competition.

But more and more these days, the men you want to be your studly suitors are acting more like the hairstylist who dishes dirt. Seriously, I think there are too many guys who are beyond just metrosexual. Some are becoming so downright feminine I wonder if they'll want to be like Bruce Jenner - not just switch teams, but change all their equipment too. If a male nightmare is to have a girlfriend tell him, "I'm breaking up with you because I'm a lesbian", then perhaps that is the female version of that fear.

We were okay with David Beckham giving men permission to like fashion and facials, but now that their pores are opened we are slightly regretting the result.

Yes, it's nice for men to take an interest in women affairs and have a sensitive side. But I don't really want to discuss moisturisers and beauty tips with you if you're straight. I don't want to wait around while you try on another gorgeous new top. And I certainly don't want the beautician to tell me you have much better skin when we do a couples treatment in a spa.

I am also tired of guys being fussier than me at restaurants about what they eat and how much weight they might gain. Sometimes it's nice to hear a man say, "You can keep your quinoa salad, babe. I'm going to have a steak. Rare. And some fries. With a beer."

Other ways to not impress me? Wear extra slim cut pants that are too short with leather Oxford wing-tip shoes - and no socks. Being fashionable is one thing, but nothing says desperation and delusion more than the middle-aged men who go full peacock at social events with their age-inappropriate and technicolour wardrobe. Being young at heart doesn't mean being tacky in attire.

Also, if you have five colours in your hair, you need to rethink your image. That look might be acceptable if you're a K-pop teen idol - and I swear some of these little boys preen and pout and wear a tonne more make-up than me at a gala ball - but if you're a tycoon, you need to act your wallet size. More than a Kardashian wannabe, people might start thinking you'd rather be the transgendering step-dad.

The Aristocrat