Hotline volunteer guides strangers in Hong Kong through hardship to peace
May Yam is no stranger to difficulty , surviving cancer and two divorces, but at Samaritan Befrienders hotline she says listening to others is key
During the first month of chemotherapy sessions, thyroid cancer patient May Yam Siu-fong lost about a third of her hair.
"It didn't look good," she says of the start of her treatment nine years ago. Her two younger boys were six and eight at the time, and "I said maybe mummy would look better if she's bald. They said: do it, do it! I went into the bathroom and shaved off my hair. When I came out we all laughed so much we were crouching on the floor from laughter. That's always a bright memory for me."
Yam's lymphoma began as a lump at the back of her mouth. It led to eight months of chemotherapy and then almost daily radiation treatment for weeks. "With the radiation the skin inside your throat burns off," she says. "I lost 20 pounds in a month as it was so painful to drink and eat. I would have to have a painkiller and then eat quickly before it wore off."
Yam delights in her three sons, now 25, 17 and 15, but life has been tough with two divorces and her battle with lymphoma. She tends to be positive about the knocks, though, feeling that her experiences have helped her become an empathetic listener in her work as a volunteer for the Samaritan Befrienders Hong Kong hotline. Yam has been a volunteer since 1997 and joined the executive committee in 2003.
When she first became a volunteer, Yam felt she could help people facing hard times, perhaps by sharing her experiences. But she realised after training "that you listen, you don't share your own experiences. You might guide [the person who phones] a little, but no more. It's important to have empathy, be patient, don't speak more than the caller. I use my heart and listen."
Some callers look for counselling, others may be suicidal. One caller was on a balcony. "You try to get them out of immediate danger," Yam says. "I said: 'It's too windy, I can't hear you very well, can you move inside? I really want to talk to you some more'."
Sometimes the callers have no friends and family, she says. "Sometimes they are alone and have no money. So I tell them 'You have me, I really want to support you. All our volunteers care about you and want to listen'."