Families come in all shapes and sizes, but love, safety and sacrifice are universal themes for good parents
- While there may be all kinds of combinations today such as families with same-sex parents or a single parent, what matters at the end of the day is the ability to raise kids into good people
Anyone can have a child and be a parent, but not everybody can be a good parent. Parenting comes with immense responsibility, moral obligations, constant worry, lifelong commitments, and personal sacrifices, even when a child reaches adulthood.
It all comes down to putting the interests of the child first, no matter what the cost – whether personal, temporal or financial. Let’s face it, not everyone is cut out to be a parent and can undertake the challenges that come with it. Some people just do not have the parental instincts or they are unable to put another person first, which is a cardinal rule of parenting. Once you have a child, you are no longer the most important person in the world.
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In this day and age, there is no such thing as a typical family: a traditional nuclear family with two parents and children. There are many different types of families, such as single-parent ones, same-sex parents, transgender parents, and so on; the possibilities are endless.
In this day and age, there is no such thing as a typical family: a traditional nuclear family with two parents and children
However, these poster-worthy nuclear families are often portrayed as the ideal happy family model. And it is sometimes said that children with one parent might grow up becoming a little unbalanced as opposed to those living with both biological parents. This is because some people want to hold on to the conventional view that a “broken” family might have a negative impact on the emotional well-being of the child, and consequently affect their mental development.
There are also adopted families with parents who take care of children who aren’t of their own blood, with no expectation of reward. I have a good friend who has been taking care of the son of his domestic worker for 17 years after her husband was killed in a road accident before the boy was born.
So, what makes someone a good parent?
Nothing is absolute but there are certain qualities that are essential, such as giving your kids proper guidance and support, being a good role model, kindness and respect, constant communication and openness, adequate discipline, acceptance, and most importantly, having a listening heart and raising them to be good people.
In honouring all mothers on Mother’s Day the past Sunday, maybe we need to better understand and appreciate what true motherhood is. It is a celebration of the nurturing of life and a tribute to the influence of mothers in society, including their contributions and sacrifices.
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They say that being a mother is the toughest job in the world, as it is mostly seen as a thankless task with no pay, no promotion, little holiday, and no retirement. But, to me, it is a blessing.
Indeed, it is a transformational lifelong learning experience that allows women to look deep inside themselves, go beyond the physical dimension, and have the opportunity to relive and relearn life through their children.
A good mother is no doubt the beating heart of a family. But we need to challenge the traditional role of a mother as not all families have one.
A good mother is no doubt the beating heart of a family. But we need to challenge the traditional role of a mother as not all families have one
For example, a single-father unit or a same-sex union of men will obviously not have a mother present in the family make-up. But true motherhood is no different from the common traits and habits of a good parent, as it all comes down to nurturing, protecting, guiding, and giving.
A lot of people consider the impact of an absent father in a family but not so much the impact of an absent mother. The common belief is that the father plays an important role in a child’s development and that his absence may increase the risk of behavioural problems. This belief has encouraged many wrongful stereotypes over the years.
In fact, in today’s world where there is so much fluidity in family make-up, by which you can have two fathers or two mothers in a same-sex marriage, or two sets of parents in reconstituted families where previously married couples set up families separately, there is really no need for a traditional set up of a mother and father. For example, in gay marriages, fixed roles are not needed as long as the parents have the best interests of the child at heart.
With this in mind, we should take to heart that a family is what one makes of it, and not all families are the same.
Whatever the composition of your family, as long as the parents – or parent – is kind, loving, selfless, accepting, moral, and committed, then that is what a child really needs to feel safe, loved, and happy in the world.
Luisa Tam is a correspondent at the Post
