Name the next little addition to the family after Uncle Hamish

IF you're a member of the sandwich class with nine kids, you should name your next one Hamish in memory of the man who has just handed you $69,000.

Yes, while accountants were dubbing it the 'no surprises' budget, a better name could have been the 'cash for kids budget'.

Changes in salaries tax mean that even the ninth child in a family entitles parents to a full $11,000 in salaries tax exemptions.

Sir Hamish's figures show that 96 per cent of taxpayers will be better off. Who is going to come off worse? It'll be someone with a very small family, an income of more than $1 million, running a fuel-thirsty car and smoking cigars, whose duty is rising marginally more than that on cigarettes.

Obviously, some tycoon has bored Hamish rigid at a dinner party over the last 12 months and it's his last chance for revenge.

Marked man THE little diagrams explaining 'What you save!' in the Budget show a picture of a chap with a briefcase earning $264,000 and a think bubble out of his head saying 'five per cent saving'.

Next, there's a picture of a chap with his granny, a married couple with no kids, married couple with two kids and the like, all with details of their allowances claimed and the savings.

Only the sharp-eyed will notice it's a picture of the same chap every time.

Adding them up, he seems to be claiming for six wives, two mothers, nine children and a dad in a wheelchair.

If the Government is really keen to start cracking down on tax fiddles, maybe they should find this chap quick.

To the boats GIVEN that he's just busted his chances of working for Li Ka-shing thanks to his jibes about land prices, what is he going to do about retirement? One clue may be that when he was bragging about the airport he said: 'I urge everyone to go and actually look at the airport island, and the two new bridges.' Has anyone ever tried to do this? Apart from those who can scramble to the top of Lantau Peak, this is hard work, particularly if all six million of us try and take up his recommendation.

Get ready for 'Sir Hamish's Boat Tours'.

Never outdone A GREEN Daimler Sovereign was sitting outside Legco after the speech, engine running and waiting to whisk the Man of the Day to his next appointment.

But where was he? No one knew. Instead a stream of other Legco people came out of the building, and it had to shuffle backwards and forwards as they all drove off in the Mercs and Porsches.

Finally, a cluster of assistants indicated an approaching VIP. Unfortunately, it turned out to be Lady Dunn.

Never one to pass an opportunity, she stood in front of the mikes set up for Sir Hamish and delivered a moving speech about what a fine chap Sir Hamish was.

Hamish's limo had to make way one further time for Lady Dunn's silver Cadillac, which co-ordinated nicely with her silver clothing.

When he did emerge, Sir Hamish sped straight into his car so quickly that the doors were slammed shut and it started rolling before anybody noticed that his assistant was still standing there on the pavement.

Take his tip WE'RE pretty sure that two letters that appeared in our office yesterday are a hoax. But just in case they're not, we've smartened them up a bit to improve legibility and printed them. If they're true, they explain quite a lot about yesterday's non-budget announcements.