Here Are Nintendo's All New Pokénames

Hongkongers have been protesting this week after Nintendo announced that it was ditching the Cantonese-specific names of their Pokémon, instead aligning them with the Putonghua versions used in China and Taiwan. Protesters are decrying it as yet another step in the slow erosion of Cantonese identity, not to mention a trampling of fond childhood memories. But we’ve heard there are some English names being changed for the Hong Kong market, too:

“Magikarp”  ➞ “Maggi Carp”

This deliciously umami seasoned fish is sure to be a hit among Hong Kong foodies.

“Squirtle” ➞  “Lead Water Squirtle”

This adorable little Pokémon keeps its name, just with a little extra to help Hongkongers identify with it better.

“Charmander” ➞ “Chinamander”

The red fire-breathing dragon gets a name change which seems to make sense. 

“Pidgey” ➞ “Spratly”

Renaming this classic Pokémon after the disputed islands gives it much better search engine optimization and guarantees the issue will come to a head soon. 

“Ekans” ➞ “Eh, Cannot”

The snake Pokémon has been renamed after the city’s most slithery answer to any question or request.

“Jigglypuff” ➞ “CY Leung”

It’s hoped that renaming this adorable pink Pokémon after the Chief Executive will send his approval ratings through the roof. 

“Snorlax”  ➞ “Legco” 

The constantly asleep Pokémon evolves into this higher (???) lifeform.

“Mewtwo” ➞ “Kowtow”

The most powerful and elusive creature gets a name that’s simple, easy to remember and easy to use. Did you get to Kowtow yet?” “I’ll trade you one Kowtow for your Spratly!”