• Tue
  • Sep 30, 2014
  • Updated: 2:34pm

David Ibison

are you worried about the millennium?

Yes, Here are four news stories I happened to read on the same day last week. In 50 years time, everyone in the US and UK will be obese; 50 years later, so will the population of Hong Kong.

Sunday, 30 March, 1997, 12:00am

Do you worry about getting older$

YES I WORRY about my jowls. I used to have a jaw line, but now I have the sharp angularity of yoghurt. My face used to move in the same direction at the same time. Now, if I move suddenly to look at someone, my eyes and skull move but my jowls follow later, reminding people, I have been told, of a bloodhound drying itself filmed in slow motion. I worry about my stomach.

16 Mar 1997 - 12:00am

Is love a fallacy?

YES Pay attention, all you romantic Valentine-y types, because here come a few facts of life: you are all sad victims of the biggest confidence trick ever played on the human race - love. Never have humans been so effectively blindfolded as when it comes to love. I am here to tell you that love is dead.

9 Feb 1997 - 12:00am

Should it be possible to have a surrogate grandchild?

YES The key to answering this little poser lies not in an examination of the technology, which already exists, but in looking at the regulations that should be applied to control the use of the technology.

19 Jan 1997 - 12:00am

Are ladies' nights a good idea?

YES Such is the cloistered, hard-working nature of our existence in this Quarry Bay ivory tower that I had to ask my learned devil on the other side to explain the concept of a 'ladies' night' before we could engage in this week's debate. He said it meant that women were allowed into certain hostelries free and could drink themselves into a stupor all night long, also for free.

27 Oct 1996 - 12:00am

Confused

I have read with interest David Ibison's contribution to the 'Devil's Advocate' column (Sunday Morning Post Magazine, October 13) about the issue of the surname that should be given to children. I also noticed that, in order to support his point of view in this complex matter, he thought it would be amusing to insult the people and history of another country.

27 Oct 1996 - 12:00am

Has technology made life more difficult?

YES There are two particularly terrific scenes in this summer's cinematic blockbusters. In Twister, which is all about the forces of nature, the baddie is a tornado-chaser. We know he's a baddie because he's incredibly high-tech and he travels with a fleet of sleek, black vans.

25 Aug 1996 - 12:00am

Downturn was not Lane Crawford's sole trouble

Lane Crawford's schmoozy television advertisements proclaim: 'It's the good life.' Unfortunately for the upmarket retailer's management, it is anything but.

The company is not doing well and the management is being blamed by a select group of analysts who follow the stock. Sales are down, they say, and profits have been virtually halved. Sort it out.

28 Jun 1996 - 12:00am

Do mothers deserve Mother's Day?

YES When I was but a pup, Mother's Day was one of the few opportunities I had to show the doting cow how much I really cared. In the days approaching that revered occasion, our teachers would ask us to make something 'special' for Mum. My classmates set out to sculpt yet another ceramic plant holder or something typically motherish.

12 May 1996 - 12:00am

Tirade

As an undemanding diversion, I usually enjoy the weekly 'Devil's advocate' debates between Fionnuala McHugh and David Ibison in the Sunday Morning Post Magazine.

I am aware the protagonists usually adopt a tongue in cheek approach and the column loses nothing by it.

12 May 1996 - 12:00am

Should women play rugby?

YES As they emerge from the dressing-room pristine and freshly laundered my sense of anticipation is extraordinary. The cold air condenses their breath, making them look like a herd of heifers sheltering against the winter. They assume their positions, stamping their feet and clapping their hands together. The game begins and I hold my breath waiting for the first titanic contact.

31 Mar 1996 - 12:00am

Is it really lucky to win the Mark Six?

YES According to my mother the first word I ever spoke was not 'mama' or 'dada'. She swears the first word I ever spoke was 'more'. This is highly indicative of my later life.

25 Feb 1996 - 12:00am

Traditionally, women can propose on February 29. Should they?

YES There is no way on God's earth that I am getting down on my knees in front of any woman, apart from with the express purpose of nuzzling her inner thighs. A hideous vision for many of you out there, no doubt, but there it is. I don't have to beg for anything - apart from a cigarette once in a while.

11 Feb 1996 - 12:00am

DEVIL'S ADVOCATE

Would you like to have lived in another time? YES The Washington Post has just been playing a New Year party game in which it chose the Man of the Millennium - Genghis Khan - and the Time and Place of the Millennium, Titian's Venice.

7 Jan 1996 - 12:00am

Does Hong Kong make you rage?

YES The secret to a successful life in Hong Kong is lying. You lie to people about how you feel, you lie to them about how much you enjoyed their party, you lie to them about their work, play, wife, daughter, car, suit, nose and personality.

3 Dec 1995 - 12:00am

Pages