RICHARD Castka had one misgiving when faced with having to move to Hong Kong with his engineer wife. Was there a golf course nearby? When he found out that no golfer should miss a visit to the Royal Hong Kong Golf Club, the former sales manager for an agricultural merchant in Oundel, England, told his wife to book tickets. 'What I didn't realise,' says Mr Castka, 'was that it was going to cost $1 million a round.' During the Castkas' first year in Hong Kong, he played just 10 games. His handicap doubled but he felt guilty about spending so much money.
Now, more than four years later, Mr Castka earns part of his family's living by writing for Asian Golfer magazine, despite having never published a word before.
'I get great satisfaction from writing,' he says. 'I'm really hoping it will mushroom into a full-time career.' Although it is women who mainly follow working partners to Hong Kong, more men are taking on the role as their wives reach middle-and upper-management positions where overseas assignment is likely. Sometimes, like the Castkas, the couple has decided to experience a foreign culture and the wife's credentials are their best shot or a recession might have wiped out job prospects at home.
However they end up as trailing spouses, men are faced with the same challenge as expat wives: building a satisfying life for themselves outside the shadow of a high-powered spouse while maintaining a relationship with a partner who may be preoccupied with a demanding job.
As tough as some expat wives find that challenge, trailing husbands find it even harder. Cultural stereotypes peg them as the breadwinners. Traditional gender roles are further upended if children are involved, since trailing husbands usually become their main care-givers.
'It can be a challenge that can lead to self-discovery and great growth in the relationship,' says Melanie Bryan, a clinical psychologist.
