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SCMP Reporter

JARDINE Fleming Unit Trusts has re-launched the monthly savings plan that it suspended last March.

  There were a lot of angry small investors then. JF first barred new customers and jacked up contribution levels all round then completely stopped it.

  One customer described the firm's move, to Business Post, at the time as a 'kick in the teeth'.

  A year later and the performance of most regional markets might mean that some customers have been saved a considerable amount of money.

  But it is strange that Richard Mosely, Director of JFUT, remembers the scheme as 'very popular'.

  'We fully appreciate that the difficult decision we made to cancel it was an unwelcome one for many of our customers,' he said.

    The letter sent a year ago to unit holders with regular savings plans said the scheme was scrapped because 'despite our best efforts, there has been very little demand'.

    This must be an early bid for Financial Services Cynic of the Year.

   Takeaway shrink   THE country that invented fast food and drive-in marriages has added another first to its lexicon of methods to save time and energy: therapy on wheels.

   Forever under stress in the markets of Wall Street and advertising houses of Madison Avenue, New York's business elite need only look in their telephone book to discover Mobile Psychological Services, which offers patients a chauffeur-driven ride to work and in-depth analysis at the same time.

   The brainchild of psychologists Ursula Strauss and Shelley Lennox, McTherapy, as it has been dubbed, will even schedule a session en route to the airport. For executives who are too busy reading for the day ahead during the rush hour, the van will park near the office during the lunch break.

   For US$175, a uniformed driver accompanied by a doctor will arrive at any suburban location in a customised van complete with burgundy couch faced by two bucket seats, a small coffee table bedecked with fresh flowers and the regulation clock on the wall.

   At first, only one of their original patients switched to chauffeured therapy, but an advert soon brought in others including one who wanted his therapist to be aged between 24 and 28, and wear a negligee, according to New York reporter Tom Rhodes.

  Deals on wheels   IN Hong Kong, it would never catch on, but other ventures might. One that immediately springs to mind is mobile loan syndication and corporate finance.

  Simply call the motorised merchant bankers from your taxi or limousine and a team of arrangers and credit specialists will deliver the documentation to your traffic jam, by motorbike, possibly the little three-wheelers used by fresh Italian cuisine freight-forwarding technicians.

  The regulatory system would need to be upgraded to cope with the changes to Hong Kong business life.

  The Securities and Futures Commission would need to be fitted with roller-skates for a start, and riding without lights would have to be added to the Securities Ordinance as an offence.

  Stamped out   BANKERS at John Govett (Asia) in Singapore had to send Richard Senior a document.

   It needed S$9.10 (about HK$48.17) in postage but there had obviously been a calculator power failure when the time came to working out how many stamps to put on, he reckons. The symptoms of inexperienced hands on the abacus are all there: three rows of eight 30 cent stamps; one row of four 30 cent stamps; one row of two 20 cent stamps; and another 30 cent stamp.

  And we notice it was franked very, very thoroughly in Singapore, not a single stamp is worth steaming off and trying to re-use.

  Matter in hand   SOMETIMES, no matter how good your politically correct intentions, the under-assistant muse who watches over columnists intervenes. John Ashby of Tai Tam saw the above job advertised.

  'What the business obviously needs is to motivate people willing to provide all the support they can at a stroke,' he said. 'This is the ideal job for those who are keen to keep abreast of developments in the rising and falling lingerie business.

  'The hands on experience requirement will ensure that the right man for the job will be able to gently separate the individual areas for which he is responsible without dropping any boobs, resulting in an uplifting and satisfying experience for all concerned. In fact, I think I'll apply.'   John obviously spends a lot of time on the MTR without a newspaper. How else could he know those bra adverts so well? 



JF rediscovers savings plan for small fish