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SCMP Reporter

ANYONE who fancies becoming a real Scottish lord now has a chance.

  It's time for the second annual Lai See competition, and as prizes we're giving away individual square feet of land in the Camster estate in Caithness, Scotland.

  That may not sound much, but anyone who owns land in this estate obtains rights to use the grand title Laird of Camster.

  It's almost as prestigious as the title given to former governor David Wilson when the poor old bird got the push.

  Unfortunately, this title does not carry with it a seat in the House of Lords like that of Lord Wilson of Tillymon nor does it guarantee a British passport - which the former governor also has.

  But then Lord Wilson doesn't have a big certificate of title bearing the South China Morning Post logo.

  The task is simple.

  The Government is facing a tricky job over the next few years because of the Central reclamation scheme.

  There's going to be at least one major road and many minor roads, plus lots of buildings, parks and other facilities built in what will be the new heart of Hong Kong.

  These need names.

  The prizes will be won by the three readers who come up with the most entertaining suggestions - for individual roads, buildings, areas or even entire schemes for allocating names.

  There's plenty of inspiration in the names used in Central at the moment - although perhaps some of these need updating or modifying, to reflect today's Hong Kong.

  We'll ignore the recent ruling that new street names must only have Chinese names to make it a lot easier.

  All suggestions - whether worthy of a prize or not - will be sent through to the Urban Council, which is one of the eight - yes, eight - government bodies involved in naming new roads.

  And sorry, but suggestions for Patten Street will be tossed in the bin as most of these names will only be needed after 1997 and we've heard the SAR government has already decided to reserve Chris's for that big new sewage pipe.

  They're back    DUN and Bradstreet has received an unusual request for a credit check.

  One of its clients wanted a check run on a certain Colonel J A Osas, attached to the Special Task Force on Crude Oil Exports in Lagos. He was offering a business opportunity and trying to get a firm to lend him its bank account and - hold on, it's a Nigerian scam gang, isn't it?   Yes, it certainly is. Dun and Bradstreet's Andrew Lupton refused to give us the name of the client who asked for the credit check on the colonel, which was a bit of a disappointment.

  Like any good credit checker, however, Andrew's keeping an open mind: 'Perhaps if any Lai See readers have done business with the esteemed Colonel J A Osas they can pass [details of] his creditworthiness to me.'   Round trip    STILL afloat, anyone who saw a big fast boat go in a very, very large circle in the harbour yesterday may have been rather baffled.

  It was the first public demo of the battleship-sized ferry being introduced soon by the Disco Bay people.

  It's a bit odd that they didn't decide to go to Disco Bay and back. Maybe they don't like the place.

  Showboat    BOUNCING tycoon George Wong Kin-wah, one of the Hongkong Parkview clan, has been telling Window magazine about the new ferries he's going to be running to Macau, which will be even faster than Stanley Ho's jetfoils.

  'No expense has been spared on installing fixtures and fittings of the highest quality,' boasts George, an anglophile whose other transport ventures include paying $400,000 for the ultimate Mini Cooper complete with karaoke machine.

  He adds: 'In the bathrooms we have gold taps and marble floors - people will have to be coaxed out of them.'   Interested? If you think you'd be good at coaxing people out of a toilet on a ferry, ring George before his ferries start next month.



We'll give you a title in exchange for a name