ENTREPRENEUR Jimmy Lai has been called many things during his business career but orthodox is certainly not one of them. The clothing and publishing millionaire who once kept a bear in his back garden has now demonstrated another example of quirkiness: he has decided to hire pizza delivery boys as reporters for his soon-to-be-launched Chinese-language newspaper, Apple Daily. 'We feel that now with the worsening traffic jams, pizza delivery boys know how to arrive at the spot the fastest . . . the details can be chased by other reporters,' he commented. Delivering news rather than pizza should prove more remunerative for the young men, he said. The motorcycle-riding reporters don't need degrees and will be paid more than freshly recruited college graduates. They would also earn bonuses if they proved to be significantly faster than the opposition. 'It's because they have to be fast . . . there is danger involved in riding motorcycles,' added Lai. Perhaps potential interviewees will be given a voucher for a free pizza if the reporter arrives more than 30 minutes after an accident? A CURIOUS speech given by Peter Barnes, President of Philip Morris Asia Inc, has come our way. It was delivered at the 18th annual general meeting of the Hong Kong Tennis Patrons' Association where it was announced that Barnes' cigarette manufacturing company would sponsor the 1996 and 1997 Marlboro Tennis Championships. This is, of course, very worthy of them. But what caught our eye was the way Mr Barnes avoided using the dreaded word 'cigarettes' in connection with a sporting event. Instead, he chose to describe his company euphemistically as 'the world's largest consumer packaged good company'. Imagine the look of bewilderment on the face of the shopkeeper if you walked into a tobacconists and ask for 20 consumer packaged goods and a box of matches. A COLLEAGUE was in a dilemma the other day as the arrival of his second child grew imminent. The baby was upside down in the womb so the doctor decided a Caesarean section was in order. She said April 1 would not be an auspicious date because it was April Fools Day. April 4 would also be inappropriate because it was the Chinese grave-sweeping festival. How about April 2 or 3? The husband said, 'No. make it March 31, the last day of the financial year, then I can get a whole year of tax allowances'.