HAD a tip-off that the ICAC is coming to call? Now there's someone who can help. 'We actually guarantee that within three hours of receiving your call we'll have a truck outside your office, shredding away.' With these words, a chap called Greg Brophy launched Shred-It Hong Kong, a service based around a large truck with a one-tonne shredder that can reduce your documents to mattress-filling quicker than you can say 'Oliver North'. The truck has an upmarket 'Cross-shred' shredder which reduces it to very small squiggly pieces of paper, as opposed to the conventional shredders. The old type badly failed to destroy papers in the US embassy in Iran when the Shah of Iran fell, and Iranians managed to sellotape remnants back together. Greg runs Shred-It in Canada, and has recruited Alan Law Kim-ching to run the local franchise. Actually, it's more about regular shredding than emergency jobs, and is based on the fact that shredding is a boring slow job, because you've got to take all the paper clips out and feed them slowly into the machine. And for obvious reasons, you can't give secret papers to the office junior to shred. So Shred-It will leave little locked postboxes in your office and you drop 'em in. When they're nearly full Alan comes round with his truck, shreds them before your eyes, then takes the shreddings to be recycled. One problem is that Alan's truck is rather distinctive. Even if the ICAC wasn't planning a raid, once they see it outside your office they might raid just in case. Price of fame Lu Ping! Live and Dangerous! If you're a member of the public wanting to see the top Beijing official dealing with Hong Kong speaking in person then there's only one opportunity. The Preliminary Working Committee is organising a conference at the Grand Hyatt, at which Mr Lu will be giving the lunch speech. The last time Lai See was in the Grand Hyatt was to see two other bespectacled overseas celebrities, Gary Coull and Dame Edna Everage. That set us wondering how the cost of seeing Lu Ping compared with other overseas visitors. The results are above. Sun downer THERE won't be any champagne corks popping tonight if the price of the Sun Sun Fund smashes through US$1 tomorrow. That's because it's going through in the wrong direction - down. This is the fund that took the territory by storm when it was launched in 1991, with punters queuing round the block to put their cheques in the box, much to the benefit of Sun Hung Kai and Co, which was effectively running the fund. Indeed Chan Sun-sun, the financier whose newspaper column was the basis for its trades, was so excited he talked of standing for Legco, such was his popularity. Initially, the units were $10 each and apart from a brief spike upwards the performance has been very consistent: they've halved in value every year. Basically, the fund plays the leveraged forex market, just like the folks who sit smoking cigarettes in the all-night forex offices, and given that Sun-sun hasn't been able to make any money out of it, then who can? Well, actually, Sun Hung Kai and Co have made money out of it. They took an asset management fee and cut on each currency contract, which in 1993 amounted to $14.4 million for SHK, not bad going for a fund that had $57 million in at the beginning of the year. Sadly, the Securities and Futures Commission could not stand any more and now SHK is effectively running it for free. If it keeps performing the way it is, it will drop so low SHK will able to quietly wind it up and forget about it, which will no doubt come as a relief. Weeded out A VERY strange diversification from Japan Tobacco, Japan's largest, indeed only, producer of cigarettes. It is going to produce 'environmentally friendly' weed killer. Normally, tobacco firms fiddle the statistics to prove their products are harmless. This time the temptation will be to fiddle them the other way. Lucky day STANLEY Ho, holder of the Grand Cross of Prince Henry the Navigator, has been talking about his love of gambling - or rather the lack of it. 'I don't like gambling . . . I don't have the patience,' he told a fortunate reporter from Reuter who managed to interview him in his grand office. 'Perhaps the only game I play is a game of bridge, maybe once every three months,' he said. There was one big gamble for him - when he spun the wheel in 1961 and tried to win the Macau casino franchise, which 'was my biggest gamble, because normally I don't gamble at all'. Winning a casino company - that's quite a prize.