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SCMP Reporter

AFTER hearing the plight of hapless female snails in Hong Kong who suddenly began to sprout penises because of our chemical-laden water, Back bites has decided it is time to take action.

  A 24-hour emergency control centre and hotline manned by (oops, handled by) SNAILS (Stop New Appendages In Lady Snails) will roll into action today.

  Any female snails having problems adjusting to their involuntary transsexual lifestyle can give us a call. Our operator (tel 2565 2230) will offer counselling.

  And those snails who have had a shell-ful of the gender-bending 90s can book a session with our private surgeon.

  Ask for Dr Lorena Bobbitt.



Slow snip on line to Bobbitt