LAI See's limited life experience has taught us one thing: What goes around comes around.
We have been hitting Australians pretty hard of late, and in a rare moment of clarity Lai See thought it would only be fair if he were to give his own countrymen - the British - equal treatment.
Obviously, finding quotations that present the British the way they are is a Herculean task, but we hunkered down to it and came up with the following.
Shipping magnate Ravi Tikoo said of his adopted England: 'If there is one thing the British can still do well it is run sporting events - run them, not win them, of course.' Sir Ralph Halpern, former chairman of the Burton Group, said: 'Amateurism, for the British, has so many more charms than professionalism.' Bob Payton, the American-born founder of the Chicago Pizza Pie factory, said: 'As a child I was always at the front of the pack, president of the class, head cheerleader. British kids lack that kind of drive. I think it's because they're breast fed too long.' Auberon Waugh, the acerbic British columnist, said: 'British employers seem to have gone soft on the job. They lack the essential meanness needed to make a business prosper. They see industry in terms of workers' benefit, a job creation scheme rather than as a way of making money. They generously concede demands that should never be conceded. We are all so extraordinarily nice that we are not fit to employ anyone.' Kerry Packer, the Australian entrepreneur, said: 'If a British guy saw someone at the wheel of a Rolls-Royce, he'd say 'come the revolution and we'll take that away from you, mate', where the American would say 'one day I'll have one of those, when I have worked hard enough'. It's unfortunate we Australians inherited the English mentality rather than the American.' General Sir Walter Walker said: 'Britain has invented a new missile. It's called the civil servant - it doesn't work and it can't be fired.' And, in case any of you Australians were thinking of making it worth our while to steer away from the subject in future, remember this ditty from Humbert Wolfe.
'You cannot hope to bribe or twist, thank God, the British journalist.
'But seeing what the man will do unbribed, there's no occasion to.' Laundry tips ATTENTION drug smugglers, arms runners and corrupt politicians. We have heard of a new publication that is right up your alley.
The Insecurities and No Futures Commission, otherwise known as the SFC, has obviously taken its advisory role to heart and put out a useful publication entitled: 'Money Laundering. Guidance Notes Issued by the Securities and Futures Commission.' All you need to know about the illegal cleansing of money, available now from a regulator near you.