PARTNERED by a designer period hat stand that I lifted lyrically from the entrance lobby, fuelled better than a Caltex station by a champagne and cold cuts breakfast, I waltzed my way this morning across the 3,000 sq ft penthouse suite in the Mansion Kempinski in Bangkok and wondered why it is we are all supposed to bate our breath at the mention of Hong Kong.
Hong Kong is a rip off. I did try to be objective coming to this modest conclusion. I went to my panoramic window in the sitting room overlooking this City of Angles and watched rain clouds moving like a brigade of guards from the north-east, making a good imitation of liquid soot. They were readying themselves to render major city arteries impassible. Despite media hysteria over a few puddles of water and some perfectly predictable deaths through outrageously bad driving in the rain, that does not happen in Hong Kong.
In all fairness too, I remembered my car journey from Raymond the night before which involved a sensible 21/2 hours on the highway and an insane, static 21/2 hours inside greater Bangkok. The driver, who had been walloping down litre bottles of beer with me in the front seat, realised what dreadful damage would be done to his seat upholstery if he did not cut across three lanes of traffic and deliver me to a men's toilet at the back of a petrol station.
No traffic configuration so drastic comes about in Hong Kong that a gentleman has to cross his legs and bite his lip for over half an hour waiting for one traffic light to change.
So, the drains work in Hong Kong. Big deal. What a tax price we pay for it and you can safely wager that they will not be working beyond a neglected six-month maintenance cycle after the British leave.
Beyond experiencing Asia's finest public works system and getting a vicarious immoral thrill over some sensationally fast and shonky business dealings behind dark plate glass skyscrapers, what is there of interest to be in Hong Kong for? As far as the tourist and the social visitor is concerned, these days, little at all. Indeed, some five-star hoteliers are having small litters of kittens over Hong Kong's image crisis.