YOU'LL never believe this, but I swear the following facts are true. Hong Kong personality Anson Chan does not wear a bra; likes going out in public with no make-up or hairspray; does not have pierced ears; has a good pair of biceps; and is regularly seen coming out of a gents' toilet in Central. Hard to accept? Well, it must be admitted, I'm talking about Anson Chan, the 31-year-old male corporate financier who works for Ernst & Young in Hong Kong. This Anson, a Canadian who was given the name long before the present Chief Secretary rose to prominence, claims he has the right to carry the moniker - 'After all, it is a boy's name,' he said. The other Anson, she of the cast-iron hairdo, claims the name is the only way to anglicise her Chinese personal name, On-sang. When the moneyman goes to balls, people see 'Mr Anson Chan' on the seating plan and sneer, assuming he is a husband ignominiously identified by his wife's name. Both Ansons once booked rooms at the Four Seasons Hotel in Toronto. The female one received affectionate gifts from the male one's family members, while the male one was handed Hong Kong Government documents stamped Confidential. Cases of mistaken identity can be awkward, but there are occasional benefits, Anson the financier admitted yesterday. He dined at Le Tire Bouchon in Old Bailey Street, and found his driver had parked the car in the middle of the yard at the nearby Central Police Station. 'I just told the police I was waiting for Anson Chan,' his driver told him. 'They decided not to make me move on.' THE Hong Kong Kite Association scheduled a kiting demonstration at Plover Cove yesterday afternoon. But they cancelled it at the last minute 'because it is so windy'. TRAVELLING down Chatham Road North in Kowloon yesterday, I noticed that a company called 'Imaginary Design' has opened for business. One can just imagine a typical conversation in their offices. Angry customer: I paid you tens of thousands of dollars to reconfigure my premises and you haven't done anything at all. Staff member: Yes, sir. We lived up to our name and gave you a completely imaginary design. MARTIN Merz, a savvy China trader who can curse in five Chinese dialects, clambered into a taxi in Guangzhou and asked to be taken to the airport. Instead of flipping on the meter, the taxi-sigei decided to try to cheat his passenger into over-paying. 'Fifty renminbi,' he barked. 'Very well,' replied Martin in street level Mandarin. 'But first we will visit the police station and discuss the matter there, you dumb (expletive).' The driver was clearly impressed by the foreign barbarian's ability to talk just like a proper male human. He immediately switched the meter on. 'I just wish to make one correction to your statement,' he said. 'You should have said: 'But first we will visit the public transport management office.' The police don't give a (expletive) about taxi fares.' Their friendship cemented by their shared relish for foul language, driver and passenger got on famously for the rest of the trip. Women should not worry if they find this true-life anecdote baffling. It's a guy thing. OVERHEARD during a lesson at one of the gok jai (international schools) in Hong Kong, from the mouth of a Lan Kwai Fong hanger-out I shall call Judi: 'Look, Miss, we know all about making babies. It's the birds and the bees we know sod-all about.' JOHN Maxwell of Ap Lei Chau, who edits a literary magazine, told me yesterday that he is making a list of items he calls 'Things You Will Never See Together in Hong Kong'. Here's a few gems from his collection: 1. A sampan man and a dentist. 2. A food hawker and a hygiene certificate. 3. A tai-tai and a master's degree. May I offer a couple of additions? 1. The Silverstrand shark and Vic Hislop. 2. Elsie Tu, Szeto Wah and a love motel. OVERHEARD: 'The MTR was so crowded this morning that some of the businessmen couldn't get seats, let alone old people and children.' A CRUSTY-SOUNDING gentleman rang in to complain about an article in this newspaper on September 20 which said that Lan Kwai Fong had changed 'from being a rubbish collection centre in the 1970s to the present glitzy nightclub district'. 'So what's the difference?' he thundered. Ingredients can be delivered to the Spice Trader by phoning 9028-0801 or faxing 2562-2485
