NAME: The Net Geek. AGE: Varies. NATIONALITY: Er, like, I guess I'm a Cyberian, dude! Cos for me, national boundaries no longer exist. DISTINGUISHING MARKES: Pallor, eye pouches, sticky-up hair straight out of the mainland chic style book. BRIEF HISTORY: Net Geek actually came into being many years ago. The only difference between the early '80s version and his modern-day counterpart is that he used to play around for hours with CB (citizens' band) radio, whereas the '90s Net Geek mucks around with his computer. The fact remains that they are sad individuals whose only means of having a life involves communicating with screens as opposed to microphones ... as opposed to real people. NET GEEK SAYS (ANGRILY): Whoa there! Let's not be so reactionary. In case you're not aware of it, there's a revolution going on out there and I want to be part of the information superhighway that's cutting swathes through an entire forest near you as we speak. You may mock but I have life at my fingertips. ICONOGRAPHER SAYS: Life? Sure, you can download a picture of a Harley-Davidson posted by its socially dysfunctional owner in San Diego; listen to the politically motivated, barely legible ranting of a foreign student at an American university ('Sarajevo is latest Stalingrad - US Satan condoning conspiracy for commit genocide'); read news stories on the computer instead of in the paper; argue in favour of agent Mulder's latest haircut on The X-Files; and ogle the latest AsianBabes catalogue on PornNet. But is that a life? Instead why not ride through the countryside on a real Harley; debate politics over a beer in a student union; read the day's papers in bed; watch TV at your girlfriend's place while she is reading a book in the bath; or even chat up a few girls at your favourite nightclub. SAD BUT TRUE: A geek will always be a geek. This attempt at justifying unhealthy, anti-social behaviour is really rather disturbing. The world has managed to get by perfectly well so far, so why should people who don't like staring at computer screens for hours suddenly be treated like pariahs? NET GEEK'S FAVOURITE FILMS: Star Trek I, II, III, IV, V, The Lawnmower Man, Johnny Mnemonic, Virtuosity and The Net. FAVOURITE BOOK: Er, what's a book? FAVOURITE BAND: Pink Floyd, man. You know, like, I just got into this really cool interactive thing where I was able to 'listen' to their Prague concert at home. When they played Another Brick In The Wall, I got so excited, I knocked over my Pot Noodles. SOME ADVICE: Get a life. ICONOGRAPHER
