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SCMP Reporter

ONE bright January morning in 1841, the people of Tai-ki Shan, or Heung Gong, an island off the coast of China, noticed a group of barbarians had landed. The intruders were marching around wearing layers of thick woollen clothes which made them overheat dangerously.

   The only explanation was that they were dangerously mad.

  On the other side of the planet, the Foreign Secretary was having exactly the same thoughts about the same group of people.

  He had received a letter from China expedition leader Charles Elliot saying that the natives of China were intelligent and friendly and should be treated with the sort of respect given to humans.

  The British Government recalled him, concerned about his mental state.

  To replace him, they sent. . .

  Sir Henry Pottinger, 1841-1844: Sir Henry was told to think of Heung Gong (mis-pronounced by the British as Hong Kong) as a temporary army post, and nothing more. The local populace made a practical demonstration of their feelings about their new leader by burgling Government House. Sir Henry resigned. Sir John Davis, 1844-1848: Small, balding Sir John made unpopularity an art form. He annoyed the expatriates even more than the locals.

  He complained: 'It is much easier to govern the 20,000 Chinese inhabitants of this colony than the few hundred English.' In a bid for popularity, he had a horse-racing cup, the Davis Trophy, named after him. Not a single horse was entered for the race. Sir Samuel Bonham, 1848-1854: Sir Samuel was a cheery soul who turned up in a funny hat with white feathers springing from the top. This became standard uniform for governors of Hong Kong. He claimed to have made a remarkable discovery. 'The study of Chinese addles the brain,' he warned expatriates. Sir John Bowring, 1854-1859: When Sir John took over, the people of Hong Kong decided they had had enough. An innovative group decided to poison the ghastly white spongy stuff called bread that barbarians lived on. Unfortunately, none of the foreigners died, and the bakers were thrown in jail.

  Sir Hercules Robinson, 1859-1865: During his reign, a woman called Jane Baxter attempted to integrate Hong Kong's two ethnic groups by teaching local girls English. After graduation, the girls 'integrated' with the Europeans by becoming their mistresses. Ms Baxter was deeply scandalised. Sir Richard MacDonnell, 1866-1872: Sir Richard installed sewers. The local people used them to get into the houses of the rich expatriates on Queen's Road and burgle them. Cows and milkmaids were imported from England to establish a dairy in Hong Kong. The first farm was set up in Garden Road because it was thought that the Garden Road area, away from the water, was likely to remain rural indefinitely.

  Sir Arthur Kennedy, 1872-1877: Sir Arthur, in a moment of rashness, invited a person of Chinese race to a social function at Government House for the first time. Expatriates were amazed to see how similar the 'Chinaman' was to a human being. Sir John Pope Hennessy, 1877-1882: Sir John had noticed something. Every time his pretty young Eurasian wife Kitty declined to go on his junk trips, so did his lawyer friend Thomas Hallyar. On one such occasion, Sir John abandoned the junk, and rushed to his house on the Peak.

   He found his wife and Hallyar alone in her boudoir reading a pornographic picture book together, or so Hennessy claimed. In fact it was a catalogue of Italian art, making Sir John the spiritual father of the present-day Obscene Articles Tribunal. Sir George Bowen, 1884-1885: Sir George's wife Diamentina opened the Ladies Recreation Club in 1884. Organisers said it would be open to 'English, Germans, Americans and Portuguese so that all classes are represented, except Chinese who do not take exercise'. Sir George Des Veoux, 1887-1891: Des Veoux decided to meet the real people of the colony. A four-mile queue of Hong Kong locals lined up to see him. After several hundred passed him, Sir George became anxious about how long it was taking, claimed he had an unbreakable lunch date and left the scene.

  He returned an hour later to find his subjects still shuffling by. Sir William Robinson, 1891-1898: Sir William decided that his main job was to make sure the Chinese did not bother the Europeans.

  He said: 'My constant thought has been how best to keep the Chinese to themselves and preserve the European and American community from the injury and inconvenience of intermixture with them.' Sir Henry Blake, 1898-1903: To halt the bubonic plague, Sir Henry offered two Hong Kong cents for every rat handed in. A suspiciously large number of rats - 45,000 - were delivered.

   The scheme was halted when he began to suspect that the administration was being tricked into buying mainland China's rat population. Sir Matthew Nathan, 1904-1907: Sir Matthew built a long, wide road into the paddy fields of Kowloon, claiming that it would be important one day. His critics thought it was a pointless exercise and nicknamed it 'Nathan's Folly'. It is now called Nathan Road. Lord Lugard, 1908-1912: Lord Frederick Lugard had an astonishing notion: colonies should only be held until the inhabitants could govern themselves.

  But he made no progress in turning his high principles into reality, being caught up with other pressing problems. His house on The Peak was so damp the air was turning all his cigars into 'little bits of sponge'. Sir Henry May, 1912-1918: The first motor car was imported by an American dentist. The Governor, too, soon acquired one. Unfortunately, there were hardly any roads to drive them on. The scenic bits of Hong Kong island, such as Deep Water Bay and Repulse Bay, could only be reached by sea. Sir Reginald Stubbs, 1919-1925: During Sir Reginald's reign, Dr Sun Yat-sen visited the colony and was highly impressed by what he saw.

  The Chinese leader said: 'I began to wonder how it was that foreigners, that Englishmen, could do such things . . . with the barren rock of Hong Kong within 70 or 80 years, while China, in 4,000 years, had no place like Hong Kong.' Sir Cecil Clementi, 1925-1930: Penelope, the Governor's wife, was a notorious prude. She read all the books bought for the Helena May library. On finding any reference to a kiss or a cuddle, the book was removed. The government bought some land from a Dr Kai and a Mr Tak to build an airstrip. They named it Hong Kong Airport, assuming that the names Kai and Tak would quickly be forgotten. Sir William Peel, 1930-1935: Hong Kong was becoming increasingly rich, but also immoral. London forced Sir William to close down the European and local Chinese brothels. The operators went underground, and cases of venereal disease soared.

  Britain was upset when China flooded the market in Hong Kong with opium. Sir Andrew Caldecott, 1935-1937: Sir Andrew suggested jobs be localised, and vacancies should only be filled by expatriates if they could not be filled in Hong Kong. The idea was considered bizarre. Sir Geoffrey Northcote, 1937-1941: Japan invaded the territory. Hong Kong's heaviest guns, unfortunately, were pointing the wrong way. Sir Mark Young, 1941-1947: It was a time of intrigue. Ms Takemura, a massage girl, specialised in entertaining military men - and extracting their secrets. She passed them on to an innocent-looking language student, who was really Colonel Suzuki, head of Japanese intelligence in the territory. Wyndham Street, which was known at the time as 'Little Japan', was renamed 'Spy Alley'.

  At the height of the hostilities, the Japanese occupied a bar called the Swatow Club. A young man called Murray MacLehose was dying for a drink. He marched into the club, demanded a gin and tonic, which he paid for with his signature, and strolled out, unmolested. Sir Alexander Grantham, 1947-1957: The challenges of being a governor could not be exaggerated, said Sir Alexander. 'In a Crown Colony, the Governor is next to the Almighty. The position . . . is not an easy one.' Sir Robert Black, 1958-1964: Under Sir Robert, the teamwork between Hong Kong people and the British worked so well that London decided to stop overseeing the finances of Hong Kong, giving the colony a touch of financial independence. Sir David Trench, 1964-1971: Pro-communists in the Chinese population started rioting in Hong Kong. As police approached, the rioters took ketchup-stained handkerchiefs out of their pockets, wiped them on their faces and started writhing on the ground. Sir David was not fooled.

  Lord MacLehose of Beoch, 1971-1982: Sir Murray, the gin-and-tonic consumer mentioned in the section concerning Sir Mark Young above, had risen to the top job. He finally realised that British uniforms and suits were ridiculously hot in Hong Kong, and turned up for work in a safari suit throughout the summer. The Hong Kong Club refused to relax its rule that diners wear British-style suits and ties. Sir Edward Youde, 1982-1986: During Sir Edward's tenure, polls in Hong Kong revealed that the people of the colony wanted to stay part of Britain. China and Britain met and agreed to make the territory again a part of China.

  Lord Wilson of Tillyorn, 1987-1992: Sir David told the British that if they were respectful and deferential to China, problem areas such as elections and the new airport, would be easily solved. China repeatedly proved Sir David wrong. Christopher Patten, 1992 -present day: In the historical context of Hong Kong governors, Patten has been a complete mould-breaker, a colonial governor who hates colonialism.

  He refused to wear Sir Samuel Bonham's feathered hat, literally and metaphorically. After public consultations, Patten decided that Hong Kong people were intelligent and friendly and should be given the right to vote and full British passports. Both China and Britain were shocked and horrified at this but Captain Charles Elliot, who landed in Tai-ki Shan in 1841, would have applauded loudly.

  Excellency by Russell Spur is published by Formasia at $450.



The Governing Class