THERE are more thrills to be had in the average dolphinarium than there are in Orca (Pearl, 9.30pm). This came out in 1977, two years after Spielberg's Jaws, and is essentially the same, but with a killer whale where the shark used to be and with some ecological issues added for the right-on fraternity. Orca (Orca - Killer Whale, as it is also known) is not very entertaining and not for the squeamish. The whale is given human qualities - taking revenge for the death of its pregnant mate - and the humans are once again reconstituted from Moby Dick. Richard Harris plays the part of by Robert Shaw in Jaws - the salty old sea dog whose job it is to help catch the beast. Charlotte Rampling looks pretty. Undiscriminating action fans will enjoy seeing Bo Derek get her leg bitten off. THE hospital roustabout ER (Pearl, 8.30pm) has become less about doctors and nurses and more about relationships. What started out as a Crichton-esque whirl of medics and mutilated accident victims has come down to a tiresome hour of interpersonal strife. Benton (Eriq La Salle) can't seem to do anything right by his mother (buy her some flowers, you schmuck); Greene (Anthony Edwards) can't do anything right by anyone - and his wife is divorcing him. Lewis (Sherry Stringfield), who seemed like a veritable sanctum of feminine normality in all this, is about to have problems with her wayward sister. Who cares? Bring back the terminal cases. It's time for some real drama, before we all end up in therapy. OLIVIA Newton-John has a rather nice home, as revealed in In Focus: Celebrity Homes (World, 10.30pm). Ms Newton-John, a singer turned fashion retailer, actually has one of the nicer homes in the programme. The striking thing about the rich and famous is that they all have bad taste. As every Hong Kong tycoon knows, gold bath taps are a sign that you have arrived. EITHER Hong Kong loves cookery programmes, or television stations just think Hong Kong loves cookery programmes. I cannot believe for one second that anyone whose brain is fully wired could find anything stimulating in Pierre Franey's Cooking in America (World, 6.30pm). Pierre is a fat fool. To make matters worse, he is often - and there is no explanation for this - accompanied in studio demonstrations by a child. He shows her what to do, she proceeds to make a complete balls-up of it. Floyd's American Pie (Cable BBC, 5.25am) is the only cookery programme with the aforementioned balls. Keith Floyd is also a fat fool, but that's the point. He is an interesting fat fool. The kind of fat fool you wouldn't mind cracking open a few bottles with. A drink with Pierre Franey would be akin to a drink with an artichoke (a very versatile vegetable indeed, said one half of that insufferable baseball cap-wearing Irish yuppie couple in Gourmet Ireland on Saturday morning). In American Pie, already shown in Hong Kong in the halcyon days when the BBC was on STAR and more people could watch it, Floyd was, as you might surmise, in the United States, where people seem unsure whether to laugh at him or cry. They are more used to cookery programmes like Sunshine Cuisine (STAR Plus, 10.30am and 2.30pm), which is Californian, wholesome and hosted by people who never get drunk. FILMS on Cable Movie Channel: Fatal Love (1pm). A young woman's life is changed forever when she contracts AIDS through a one-night stand. Molly Ringwald stars as Alison Gertz, whose courageous battle with the life-threatening virus becomes an inspiration to thousands of young people nationwide. Web of Deceit (7pm). A big city lawyer (Linda Purl) returns to her hometown and takes on the case of a teenage drifter accused of rape and murder. She also falls for the prosecuting attorney, an old flame and scion of one of the wealthiest families around.