HOW amusing that so much energy and expense has gone into making the SAR passport forgery-proof. If you can't go anywhere with it, who would want a fake one? If you do see a headline saying 'SAR passport in forgery scam', it will probably be over a news item along the lines of: 'A gang of forgers was caught last night using SAR passport paper stock to make counterfeit Andrex toilet paper.' Mind you, if Britain does the honourable thing and leads the way in allowing visa-free entry to SAR passport holders, then the documents will be worth having - and will need extra security devices, to prevent 1.2 billion people with shonky Shenzhen versions turning up at Heathrow. Talking of international access, the Democrats and trade unionist Lee Cheuk-yan have this week been making fools of themselves by pretending that 5,000 imported workers will cause a major crisis in the Hong Kong employment scene. How ridiculous. There were about 5,000 imported workers in the Whitty Street tram I was on yesterday morning. It is a drop in the ocean. I noticed the Democrats made a point of exempting domestic helpers from their attacks on imported labour, despite the fact that getting rid of 130,000 Filipinas would provide more than enough openings for all the 100,000-odd unemployed. They clearly realised it would be a weak argument to claim that their constituents were outraged at being robbed of the opportunity to work 16 hours a day for $9 an hour before retiring for the night in a dog basket in the kitchenette. PAUL Claughan came up with this slogan as a sort of thought for the day: 'Help preserve the marine life of Hong Kong - pickle a dolphin.' It's probably the only way to keep them in the territory. A METRE-LONG snake wound its way into a dai pai dong in Pui O, Lantau at the weekend, I heard yesterday. It was immediately bashed dead with a crate. Softie gweilo diner Julian Thomas asked if it was poisonous and, if not, why was it killed? The citizens said it wasn't dangerous, but a snake like that could give elderly people a nasty fright. They then carefully placed the snake's corpse under a Chinese newspaper. Julian asked why. 'Just watch the old boy's face when he comes to pick up his paper.' I WOULD like to apologise to Tsang Yok-sing and David Chu. For years, I have thought of you two as wild and dangerous pro-Beijing extremists. But after seeing the plans that other members of the Preliminary Working Committee have come up with over the past few days, it is clear that in comparison, you guys are the embodiment of moderation. A SOUTH Korean talking into a mobile phone walked straight into a tree and killed himself, it was reported yesterday. The Korea Times quoted a Pusan police spokesman as saying he had seen many car accidents caused by mobile phone users, but that it was the first known pedestrian mobile-phone death. Let that be a lesson to all of us. SINCE Hong Kong has long been a major world supplier of non-stick pots and pans, I wonder if there is someone in that industry here who can answer a question for me? Last night, I noticed that my trusty medium-sized saucepan, aged eight years old, has now lost almost all its non-stick coating and will have to be thrown away. What happened to the coating? Have I eaten it? SORRY to see that the Self-Serving Leather Co has vanished from Causeway Bay. Did it just go out of business, or did someone get around to telling them that their name contained a degree of honesty unusual in the business world? FROM a reader in Chai Wan: Why did OJ smash all the mirrors in his house? He didn't want to find the real killer too soon. Ingredients can be delivered to the Spice Trader by phoning 9028-0801 or faxing 2562-2485
