THANKS very much Lai See , your cheapo vino column is blowing it for everyone, is the message from Great Plonk Hunt contributor Sheila Self. 'Next time I find a really cheap highly palatable wine I shall not be informing Lai See ,' she writes. 'I told you about the Cape Vintry available at Park 'N Shop for $39 and after the publicity it increased to $49.' Sorry Sheila, we were even warned about this possibility by one of our regular readers who actually swore us to secrecy about his favourite cheap tipple. At least it still sneaks in under the $50 line. Worse yet for Sheila, the Hong Kong Football Club still has not managed to find a safe place to bury its supply of house wine and she is being slowly poisoned. It could be worse. Jon Seliger has one of those awesome jobs. He is in charge of sales of Camus cognac to duty free shops across China and spends three weeks out of four on the road. The fourth week is spent in de-tox, we imagine. On a recent trip to the airport of a wild spot in the north of China, Jon found himself having to open a bottle of brandy to make the sale, a not infrequent occurrence. When the bottle was finally finished, the duty free shop manager insisted that Jon should now accept his hospitality. This took the form of food and mammoth quantities of the local Biajiu wine. Eventually, he was released to take his plane out. As he swayed gently through the airport, he felt the need for relief and stepped into the toilets. He was still steady enough on his feet to photograph the sign that greeted him. 'I was staggering around looking for the pond,' he said. Zapped by Henry EVERYBODY'S favourite diplomat, Henry Kissinger, is in town for a conference this coming week. Computer managers around the harbour will be hoping that this visit does not cause quite the disruption that one of his previous visits did. In those days, Mr Kissinger was very much in the front line and, never mind a couple of Secret Service guards, he got a guided missile cruiser to look after him. The problem was that with every sweep of its search radar, all the computers in town were sent hay-wire by the blast of radiation. Readers may use this as an excuse to cut off annoying people on their mobile phones. Deal revealed SAS Dragon Holdings has quietly been powering ahead in the market. It's stock price has risen in a month from $2 on October 3 to $3.90 yesterday, although it hasn't been a regular in the biggest gainers of the day. We went hunting for a reason for this performance. Without any insider trading taking place, it is perfectly possible for stocks to move on rumours of a deal gradually leaking out. Then the mega-deal was announced - the company is buying 15 Clearwater Bay Country Club debentures from one of the firm's independent non-executive directors so clients can be properly entertained. Numbers up TO the many readers who have been faxing us about charges by hotels in Hong Kong for using calling-cards to make international calls, no we haven't forgotten. We are awaiting the review of the Telecommunications Ordinance which, as a result of Lai See's reports and local hoteliers' grasping rapacity, is likely to be tightened up. Total revenues of Hong Kong hotels in 1994 were $17.22 billion, according to a Hong Kong Tourist Association report. Percentage of revenues derived from phone calls was 3.8 per cent, or $654.26 million.