JOHN Blashford-Snell fiddled with the door handle and sighed unhappily. As one of the world's greatest explorers, he had trekked through impenetrable jungle and battled through frozen wastelands - but he was damned if he could get through this blasted hotel door. He decided there must be something wrong with the key. Pah, and Hong Kong was supposed to have the best hotels in the world. The explorer found a house phone and gave a piece of his mind to the representative of the hotel manning the front desk. Staff hurried to help and soon found the problem. 'You're in the wrong hotel, sir,' a staff member said. 'What?' Blashford-Snell replied. Further study proved the staff member correct. Blashford-Snell had flown to Hong Kong to give speeches and support his friends at Project Orbis, the flying eye-surgery hospital. He had done his duty and headed back to his hotel in Central - but was trying to get into a room on the 14th floor of the Ritz-Carlton with a key designed for a room on the 14th floor of the Hotel Furama. Anyway, the famous explorer might be embarrassed if this story gets out, so let's keep it strictly between you, me and everyone else in Hong Kong. NOTE to Hastings International - a company which has been trying to persuade Hong Kong people to buy London Bridge, described as a 'new development in the heart of London'. Not only is London Bridge not new, but it is in Arizona. Several readers pointed this out, including Martin Bode, Douglas St Denny and Joy Vogelgesang, a former Arizona resident. TALKING of Arizona, Hong Kong sports photographer Richard Castka was in Safford, Arizona, when he saw a sign in a gunshop: 'Anyone found here at night will be found here in the morning.' THE least believable press release of the week comes from Corporate Communications. 'The fastest civilian team ever to partipate in the MacLehose Trailwalker, the Carlingford Lombard Comets, has recommended a Harry Ramsden's fish and chips dinner as a way to increase teams' energy and race times.' CHUI Siu-tsan of the Antiquities and Monuments Office plans to find evidence that Hong Kong was a rich community before the British got here. If he finds an old document which reveals that the 1830s fishing village of Tai Ki Shan was the second or third biggest financial centre in the world, while today's British-ruled Hong Kong has dropped to fourth place, I will eat my computer. POLICE entered the Schnurbart bar on D'Aguilar Street on Halloween and confronted a young man dressed as the ghost from the film Beetlejuice, I hear. They told him off for frightening people. Hmm, isn't that what you are supposed to do on Halloween? Incidentally, I wonder what OJ Simpson wore on that evening? Did he dress up as a terrifying murderer, or did he just wear his normal clothes, or is this a silly question? DOUGLAS St Denny of Discovery Bay was recently on a long-haul flight reading a book, when a boy of about 12 came up to him and asked the time. Douglas responded by putting his Seiko five centimetres from the boy's nose, without looking up from his book. 'I can't read that,' the boy said as he walked away insulted. 'It doesn't even have numbers.' THE debate about smoking is getting very passionate in Hong Kong. I think they should change the warning: 'Smoking may be injurious to your health, as someone may hit you with a chair.' A grumpy smoker who is annoyed with Virgin Atlantic's ban on smoking between Hong Kong and London said: 'The only way you can smoke on most airlines these days is to be one of the engines.' Send ingredients to the Spice Trader by phone: 9028-0801; fax: 2565-2626; or e-mail: spice
