JOURNALISTS are not their usual inquiring selves at the moment. Ever since Chris Patten suggested the next hack who asked when he was leaving Hong Kong should give $500 to the Hong Kong Journalists' Association's charities fund, he has found the press has lost interest in putting the question to him directly.
The trouble is, there are some of us who have made a bit of a cottage industry out of guessing the date and excuse for his premature departure. Now we are all sitting on our wallets with nothing better to do than spread idle rumours.
We have another humdinger for you this morning. Hot off the telephone comes the latest news from Britain: Mr Patten would fill disgraced Tory Nicholas Scott's seat if he were put behind bars for failing to stop after an accident involving a three-year-old boy, when he was driving under the influence of alcohol.
Why should this rumour be any more substantial than the other tall tales we have peddled over the years? Well, unlike the previous stories, where no successors were mentioned, we have a name this time for the next governor. It is Sir John Boyd, ambassador to Tokyo, and a former Hong Kong political adviser. He has been talked about before - between Sir David Wilson's promotion to the peerage and Mr Patten's ejection with the Bath-water. And he would be just the sort of chap the Foreign Office would like to see back in Hong Kong smoothing feathers ruffled by the man-of-guilt.
The constituency party's already been sounded out. John Major still wants our Chris back in harness salvaging Tory fortunes before the next election.
Hmmmmm . . . well Chelsea is a safe(-ish) Tory seat, even in these days of new Labour.
On the other hand, do we really think Mr Patten would want to go back and ride the through train to the opposition benches in 1997? Do we really think he would want to be in the same building, never mind the same party, as Defence Secretary Michael Portillo? Let's make a deal. If Mr Patten gives us an on-the-record exclusive for next week's From the Corridors admitting he has been seriously approached to run for the seat and save Mr Major's bacon, we will donate $500 to the HKJA charities. We will make that $600 if he says he has agreed to stand.