THE Hong Kong Science Museum hosted the recent Symposium on Hydraulics of Hong Kong Waters. The organiser, a Mrs Tsang, sent a questionnaire to participants, which they had to complete and return four days before the event. This, in part, is what it said: 'Return slip. 'Please be informed that I will purchase the following items for my lunch . . . 'Ham and egg sandwich $10 'Cheese sandwich $10 '(Please enter quantities) 'Lemon tea (box) $4 'Coffee (Refer note 2) $7 'Tea (Refer note 2) $7 'Note 1. About 20 seats are available. 'Note 2. No lids will be provided for hot drinks.' Talk about meticulous planning. Mrs Tsang would no doubt have been devastated to have a leftover packet of lemon tea or a superfluous lid. A FRIEND of mine was driving along Repulse Bay Road on Saturday afternoon when he noticed an unusual vehicle behind him. It was a large, government-registered coach, covered on all sides with the words 'road safety'. Some sort of traffic safety campaign vehicle, he mused. Suddenly, it cut into the 'slow vehicles' lane next to the Royal Cliff complex, overtook on the inside, and cut in front of him. As they approached the major junction leading to Aberdeen, the bus, which had no one on board except the driver (probably Sandra Bullock), veered sharply across the lanes, and cut in again, this time in front of a wobbly learner driver from the nearby Aberdeen School of Motoring. So what's the purpose of this bus? To show motorists how not to drive? YOU know what the finding of early hominid remains in Sichuan province actually means, don't you? It means Dr Brian Apthorp of Shouson Hill (who contributes to our letters page) could be right. If homo erectus developed in China before moving back to Africa and Europe to become homo sapiens, we all have Chinese ancestors, and are all eligible for permanent ID cards. PHILIP Arthur of Sheung Wan has not been a teacher all his working life, but has spent much of the past decade teaching in Hong Kong and Britain. So he was surprised when his job application to the Canadian International School in the territory elicited a rejection reply measuring all of two centimetres from principal Neil Johnson: 'This letter will acknowledge your application received by the Canadian International School. You do not have either suitable experience or qualifications for teaching at this school.' Philip wondered what Mr Johnson teaches. I don't know. Etiquette, maybe? READER Sachin Choithrmani tells me that the coupon for the World Wide Fund for Nature in Hong Kong carries a warning: 'If you are paying by credit card, the card expiry date may not occur within two months of the date of expiry.' Astonishingly, my credit card expires on the date of expiry. ACCORDING to the route maps displayed at the Causeway Bay and Admiralty bus stops, the 10 and 31 minibuses will take you via the 'Queer Mary Hospital'. Jim Sargent spotted this and was inspired to ask a politically incorrect question. 'Would the standard 'yauh lokh, mgoi ' suffice, or should this be amended to 'yauh lohk, sweetie', using a high-rising tone?' LETTER received by a reader called Peter who did not wish his full name included: 'Dear Sir, thank you for your interest in our company product and services. We are pleased to submit herewith the information for Internet Phone for your kind reference. Yours sincerely, Yu Wankel.' There's a subliminal message here, isn't there?