THANKS for the mail in response to the item about Union Church and the song Imagine. Chris Champion sent me a collection of real-life church announcements. The best ones: 1. Don't let worry kill you - let the church help. 2. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church. 3. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. 4. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of the Rev and Mrs Julius Belzer. 5. Tuesday at 4pm there will be an ice-cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early. 6. Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs Johnson will sing Put me in my Little Bed accompanied by the pastor. 7. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar. 8. Thursday at 5pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be 'Little Mothers' will meet with the pastor in his study. 9. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. 10. The service will close with Little Drops of Water. One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in. HEARD a story yesterday to top the one about media tycoon Sondhi Limthongkul doing a live radio interview from his bed. A couple of years ago, RTHK's Hong Kong Today featured Matt Barrett, chief executive officer of the Bank of Montreal. Afterwards, his public relations man Ted Thomas phoned him at the Mandarin Oriental and said: 'You sounded a bit strained on the radio this morning.' 'I'm not surprised,' he replied. 'I was on the toilet at the time.' OK, contest time. Yvonne Fitzsimmons of Hong Kong found a packet in the Jin Jiang Hotel in Chengdu labelled 'Nail Folish Pehoyer'. What was inside it? Answer at the end of this column. TREKKERS Billy Lai and Eddie Chan of the University of Hong Kong tell me the late Gene Roddenberry, creator of Star Trek, was much influenced by Oriental culture, especially in the Klingon and Romulan alien races. They were watching an episode on STAR TV the other day which showed the gravestone of a character's father. His dad's name? Tsing Tao. ROSS Evans of Hong Kong has just returned from a trip to Tokyo where he stayed at the Vista Hotel. In a room was the message: 'Welcome to put up for tonight at this hotel. Please stay at your home.' He said: 'After putting up with the Vista for a night, I was more than happy to comply with the second part of the message.' THE notice which reads 'please refrain from smoking in all areas of the station' has been proudly displayed by the KCR in its stations for several months, I hear from reader Mike Stranks. He asked: 'Have they found the ultimate formula for compliance - asking the public not to do something which is impossible?' I CAN just imagine the conversation as Cuba's President Fidel Castro and China's President Jiang Zemin toured the bright lights of Shenzhen. Castro: 'Comrade President, this is amazing. So communism really does lead to a workers' paradise. By the way, what's that glow on the horizon?' Jiang: 'Hmm? Oh that's Hong Kong. Capitalist place, very poorly developed, ideologically speaking.' Castro: 'Looks like they also have skyscrapers and neon lights.' Jiang: 'Yes, they're copying us.' THE answer to the question posed earlier in this column: a file, a little stick and a fingernail clipper. Anyone who thought 'Nail Folish Pehoyer' could be a misprint for 'Nail Polish Remover' was using reason and logic to work it out. Fool, this is Asia!