THE British and the Americans get a hard time in A Fish Called Wanda (Pearl, 9.35pm). This is what good comedy is all about; if you are going to offend, offend everyone. The film combines some great talents. John Cleese wrote the script, which bristles with wit and sends up British inhibition and formality and American lack of sophistication. It was directed by Charles Crichton, the Ealing Studios veteran responsible for that outrageous 1951 comedy The Lavender Hill Mob and the best film ever made about trains, The Titfield Thunderbolt (1952). A Fish Called Wanda also features some delightfully over-the-top acting, notably from Michael Palin as the stuttering friend of all things fishy, and Kevin Kline as an ex-CIA assassin called Otto. Kline won a Best Supporting Actor Oscar for his trouble. The storyline is less important than the opportunities it gives the characters to exploit their goofy characterisations. It features a jewel heist, a curvaceous thief (Jamie Lee Curtis), an uptight, possibly anal-retentive barrister (Cleese) and a Cockney tough guy (Tom Georgeson). ONE film about a rampant antichrist was, on reflection, enough. In the sequel to The Omen, Damien: Omen II (Pearl, 1.50am), Damien is a teenager and, having got rid of the entire cast of the first film, starts on his foster parents (William Holden and Lee Grant). THERE is much conventional grade-A action in Flight From Ashiya (World, 9.35pm), which has a conventional grade-A action cast. Yul Brynner, Richard Widmark and George Chakiris are members of a helicopter rescue service which is sent to perform heroics when a cargo vessel sinks off Japan. THE documentary series Reputations (World, 8.35pm) promises some exciting lid-lifting: the Pope and the Nazis, Coco Chanel's terrible secrets, the unpleasant things Ike said about Monty, and that Monty said about Ike. This is the first of seven episodes and features Aristotle Onassis, shipping tycoon and billionaire. Lauding a man who had everything would be no fun, so producer William Cran (winner of several Emmys) does a splendid hatchet job instead. Onassis was filthy rich and 'the uncrowned king of Monaco', but he had a daring and cunning business life. He pioneered the use of flags of convenience, struck an audacious deal with Saudi Arabia and used the Suez Crisis for great personal benefit. His downfall - this is the meat in the sandwich - was plotted by the CIA, who seem to get everywhere. ALL is not well with Whoops Apocalypse (TDM Channel 2, 8.45pm) a frenetic but pathetic attempt to re-do Dr Strangelove for the 1980s. The stars are there, among them the late Peter Cook, Rik Mayall, Alexei Sayle and Loretta Swit (Hot Lips from M*A*S*H ) but laughs are conspicuous by their absence. FILMS on Cable Movie Channel: Without A Clue (11am). Scattered laughs and engaging performances from Michael Caine and Ben Kingsley in this mild farce, based on the premise that Sherlock Holmes was a fictional creation of the wily Dr Watson who is then forced to hire an actor to impersonate the great detective when his fame spreads. Love Recipe (9 pm). Hong Kong drama whose main subject matter seems to be sex, and plenty of it. Ann and Stanley are having problems in their marriage, so Ann takes off to Thailand with an open-minded girl called - wait for this - Porsche. Starring Kathy Chan and Alex Fong. Heung Lap-hang directed in 1994. A Bronx Tale (2.30am). Robert de Niro's directorial debut (he also stars) is an enjoyable stroll through familiar territory. It tells the story of a boy from the Bronx who is torn between affection for his humble father, a bus driver, and his admiration for the local gang boss, who is caught in a struggle for control of the territory.