YES According to my mother the first word I ever spoke was not 'mama' or 'dada'. She swears the first word I ever spoke was 'more'. This is highly indicative of my later life.
I love money and I want more. Maybe you don't. Maybe you think materialism is shallow. Maybe you think avarice is a sin. Maybe you think the rampant pursuit of wealth lacks meaning. Well, that's just fine. It means more money for me. Greed is good and I tell you we're talking about a major appetite here. My stomach is rumbling for money. I am starving for the stuff. I want to gorge myself on dollar bills until I vomit small change.
But there's a problem. I don't have any. None. I remember walking out of a pub in Soho in London and being accosted by a tramp. This guy was wearing plastic bags on his feet instead of shoes. He yelled at me: 'I've got more money than you, you yuppie bastard.' I ignored the worthless dog and carried on my way. It was only when I received my bank statement the next day that I realised he was spot on. I didn't have any money - I had other people's money. I had debts. I was worth absolutely nothing. My life was prefixed by minus signs. The tramp was better off than I was.
That was when I decided I needed money fast. In this I have failed. The tramp is still better off than me. Even though I earn more and have more possessions, my debts are bigger and the minus signs are just as prominent in my life.
So when the call comes through from the boys down at the Mark Six office telling me I have won a few million bucks, I can guarantee my first thought is not going to be: 'God, I'm so unlucky.' Anyone who argues it is bad luck to get a great deal of money for doing nothing is a prat.
If my friends suddenly start clamouring for cash, they can't have been friends in the first place. I don't care if my family hassles me for money because I can't stand my family. Telling them to sod off would be to replay an already familiar refrain.