IT'S a sad day when the main area of excitement on television is the return of a comedy series first shown in 1992. If you care about Roseanne (Pearl, 6.20pm) you will have seen it before. If you don't then you can proceed straight to Racing Night Live (World, 8pm), which this evening is from Happy Valley. I will say this much for Racing Night; despite certain similarities between every episode, it is not a repeat. Roseanne stars Roseanne Arnold, or Roseanne Barr, who is generally more outrageous than the programme is. She has recently been looking for producers for an American version of Absolutely Fabulous, the British comedy series about two Bollinger-swilling ladies who do a good line in soft substance abuse. Ms Barr has had little luck finding a backer. American producers are put off by the many references to drugs and alcohol in the script. The thing about Roseanne is that it's daring, but not that daring. It's a little bit on the rude side, with occasional un-politically-correct jokes about fat people (Ms Barr and co-star John Goodman are both the wrong side of plump), but it's never offensive. In this episode, the first of the 1992-1993 season, the family motorcycle shop goes out of business. Roseanne, however, takes more risks than The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air (Pearl, 6.50pm), which is as upright and all-American as a flagpole: affluent and caring black family adopts kid from the wrong side of the tracks and helps him feel at home in Beverly Hills. Pat Morita, who starred in the Karate Kid films, makes a guest appearance, once again as a sagacious martial arts instructor. Look out also for baseball player Ken Griffey Jr. OLD stars never die, they just make guest appearances on trivia such as The 10th Annual Monte Carlo Magic Awards (World, 10.30pm). The jury for this one includes Ringo Starr, who has been available for rental ever since the Beatles split up. He joins top model Emma ('top model' is their description) and a number of other semi-nonentities (who are Helmut Newton and Marie-Christine Barault?). Joe Labero and Franklin are among six illusionists competing for the Baguettes Magiques d'Or. Elementary French tells me this translates - and I hope I am wrong - as 'Magical Golden Bread Loaves.' Princess Stephanie was present, which serves as a reminder of how short on entertainment life in Monaco must be. TO think that they made six Police Academy films and that Pearl programmers seem intent on showing them all as often as they can without being accused of dementia. Police Academy III; Back In Training (Pearl, 9.30pm) is more of the same people. If we ever get as far as Police Academy IV things get interesting - that one stars Sharon Stone. THIS evening's L.A. Law (World, 12.40am) is positively oozing wholesomeness and propriety, in the form of a father who wants to stop his daughter modelling skimpy clothes. Propriety stops with Brackman, however, who offers a school a new locker room if it will enrol his precocious son. FILMS on Cable Movie Channel: Christopher Columbus: The Discovery. (1.30pm). A film memorably described by the Guardian newspaper's critic as 'dead meat'. It's a generally risible pageant with little to maintain even the interest of a child and some notably bad performances, particularly from Marlon Brando, in his worst cameo for decades, and Tom Selleck, who dresses up as King Ferdinand. Georges Corraface prances around in the title role and Rachel Ward adds the sex. A film conceived entirely in terms of cliches. The story? Columbus sets sail, discovers the New World, returns in triumph and finally dies. The Brink's Job (7pm). Entertaining, comically-oriented account of the infamous 1950 Boston heist, masterminded by Peter Falk (aka Colombo) and a motley gang of accomplices.
