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SCMP Reporter

WARNING: this column is being written under the influence of Smart Drugs.

 We are just telling you because reading it may have an even more deleterious effect on your brain than reading normal Lai See sections.

 Business people in Hongkong are buying a new drug called Craton. It costs $140 for 30 tablets, and is selling at Watson's, Mannings and other pharmacists.

 Craton, a New Age potion, is derived from the leaves of the ginkgo tree.

 It is believed to ''sharpen concentration and mental acuity, to improve memory and circulation, and to promote mental fitness'', according to Boehringer Mannheim China Ltd of Kwai Chung.

 Aimed at business people, it is sold under the slogan: ''A sharp mind is always the key to business success''.

 The manufacturers say it works by ''preventing the formation of free radicals'', so watch out, Martin Lee Chu-ming.

 But does it work? To be honest, we did not notice any change. Do readers?  A friend of ours says smart drugs enabled him to cut in half the time he took to complete The Times crossword, which appears in this newspaper.

 One critic said: ''All mega-vitamins will do for you is give you expensive urine.''  He was of the opinion that spending $140 on smart pills was cast-iron proof that we needed them.

    Record profits   RICH Surrency of Noble House nipped into Hongkong Records, the new music shop on the corner of Hutchison House.

 He saw a boxed set of CDs which he wanted to buy - then he was shocked to notice that it was 40 per cent higher than in other music stores in Central.

 Rich: Why is it so expensive?  Saleswoman picks up a single CD from a rack nearby and points to the sticker.

 Saleswoman: This CD is $90.

 Rich: So?  Saleswoman: This CD is available at other stores for $60.

 Rich: So?  Saleswoman: We are always about 40 per cent more than other stores. It's company policy.

 Rich told us afterwards: ''This was my first encounter in Hongkong with an honest saleswoman. Hope she never works for a Nathan Road store.''     Modern habit   LUNCHED at the Viceroy of India in the Sun Hung Kai Centre yesterday.

 At the next table was a Buddhist monk - complete with shaven head, robes, sandals and so on, sitting next to a spiritual-looking woman who looked like an acolyte of some sort.

 Strolling past their table on the way to get some more of the Viceroy's multi-coloured poppadoms, we glanced down to see that lying in the middle of their table was - you guessed it - a recent model super-slim mobile phone.

 Only in Hongkong.

    Silent treatment   POPPED into the headquarters of the Emperor Group, the Hongkong company setting up a bank in Cambodia, to see Hun Sen, visiting Prime Minister of that country.

 At about 2.30 pm, we entered the large dealing room at the International Building in Des Voeux Road. It was full of people in suits with telephones and screens.

 But not one phone was ringing. No one was running around. Nobody seemed overly bothered about what was on the screens.

 It was curious. Maybe they were trying to recreate the atmosphere of the non-existent financial markets in Cambodia, to make their famous guest feel at home?     Chart topper   CREDIT Lyonnais' fung shui man is back.

 Remember how he scored a hit with his predictions about the Hang Seng Index last year?  The firm is unveiling the 1993 fung shui chart for this year's Hongkong share market at the Mandarin Oriental this afternoon.

 Spokeswoman Julie French said: ''We've already had more than 100 calls about it from around the world, including some from as far afield as New York.''  Rival brokers were, of course, rudely sceptical about this.

 We were reminded of Colin Bowles' definition of a sceptic: ''Someone who once lost his wallet in a church while standing between a policeman and a nun.''     Brave dresser   WE shall hesitate before describing Adrian Cantwell, fund manager at Global Asset Management, as a Suit in future.

  Anyone who turns up at a party wearing two handkerchiefs joined by a piece of string definitely has an original (and brave) taste in dress.

  Photos such as the above, taken at W.I. Carr's recent Wild West party, are circulating among rival money managers.

  We are not sure who his beautiful companion is, but note that she is keeping her hand near her gun. Sensible.

     Service fault    THE ''Room Service'' dialogue has been traced back even further.

  Its appearance in a Malaysian newsletter in 1981 was not the first time it was printed, we hear from Bob Klaverkamp, group publisher of Time Inc Magazines Asia.

  ''It originally appeared in the book A Hotel is a Place, written by the brilliant American comedy writer Shelly Berman,'' said Bob. ''The first printing was in October 1972.''   Mr Berman gives no clues as to what accent it was intended to be.

  One of the writer's other maxims was: ''A hotel is a place where you come out of the entrance with two suitcases and an attache case and the doorman says: 'Leaving us, sir?'.'' 



Funny pharm, and which doctor would prescribe it?