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SCMP Reporter

There were strange scenes in Discovery Bay yesterday morning. Commuters heading to the ferry saw 35 young men with dark clothes and tattoos brawling and pushing each other in the middle of the plaza, near the escalators.

  Come on, chaps. The Lantau enclave has a reputation as the Singapore of Hong Kong to keep up. We can't have this sort of thing in public.

  I am reminded of the time in 1990 that one of the TV companies organised a troupe of male dancers in black suits and white gloves to perform near the Hongkong Bank HQ.

  A tourist was overheard asking her husband what it was.

  'It's the triads - the Chinese mafia,' he replied knowingly.

  These unpleasant chaps may be near the surface, but we haven't quite reached the stage where triads engage in formation dancing in Central. Maybe next year . . . Discovery Bay, in common with some other estates in Hong Kong, is having a tough time getting Cable TV linked to the settlement's television system, which is owned and managed by Rediffusion Satellite Services (RSS).

  This is despite the fact that they are both part of Wharf Group.

  At every meeting residents have with the two companies, RSS staff insist they are independent from Cable TV, and explain that the interests of Disco Bay residents are their prime concern.

  One resident, Richard Gibson, called RSS on Friday last week using the number on the firm's letterhead.

  The cheery telephone operator greeted him with: 'Good morning, Wharf Cable.' Still on the outlying islands, a helicopter was buzzing above the roofs of houses in Lamma on Monday afternoon.

  A resident looking out of the window thought it was rather low (helicopters are not supposed to go within 500 feet of dwellings) and jotted down the registration details.

  He phoned the Civil Aviation Department to ask how he could trace whoever was in the helicopter. He was eventually connected to a CAD official, and explained his query.

  The official sounded rather embarrassed. 'Well, actually, I was in that helicopter,' the man said.

  He explained that he had been flying tycoon Cecil Chao from his Pokfulam home to his yacht, moored off Lamma island. The zillionaire loves helicopters, but cannot fly it himself. Quick. Sell your shares in office supplies companies. Yacoub Khan is leaving Hong Kong.

  The disgruntled ex-policeman, who fills his days by sending massive amounts of hate-faxes to huge numbers of people, revealed yesterday that he is off to Australia.

  Sellers of fax paper should see a significant drop in sales volume.

  Is that a yelp of joy I hear coming from police headquarters and Government House? Hold the celebrations. He is only off for three months, and plans to redouble his efforts when he gets back. What about that Paul Tse Wai-chun, would-be leader of Hong Kong, then?   Who? Exactly. That's what everyone says. Poor Mr Tse has risen to fame as the nobody who has announced that he wants to run for chief executive.

  What major achievements on behalf of the community can Mr Tse be credited with? Well, he has achieved the status of 'good friends' with Pamela Pak Wan-kam, the DJ who likes talking about sex, if that counts.

  Unfortunately for him, the Basic Law requires the leader to be at least 40. Solicitor Paul, 37, claims that in the Chinese way of counting, he is 40. What he fails to mention is that three years are added to your age only when you are dead.

  Which is pretty much what his chances are. Received e-mail from screenwriter Lawrence Gray demanding a correction. He proposed this text: 'I mistakenly called Lawrence Gray a 'goodish Hong Kong based writer' when I meant to say 'World Class Screenwriter who lives in Hong Kong because he likes to, even though it means he earns a lot less money doing so'.'   Mr Gray added that creative types were often assumed to be not worthy of respect or payment, but he made it a point to be business-like.

  'I once explained to a producer claiming bankruptcy, through no fault of mine, I hasten to add, that I knew where the man had parked his newly acquired Porsche.

  'What conclusions he drew from this innocuous remark I cannot say, but a cheque came by courier immediately.' 



All of the nicer sort of triads insist that Disco Bay is right for upmarket