red light, red face A WOMAN found herself $1,000 poorer after unknowingly having sex with a male prostitute, claims the Hong Kong Daily News. The 26-year-old woman was drinking in a Wan Chai pub when she bumped into the handsome gigolo. After a few drinks, she found this newly acquired boyfriend even more attractive and opted for a one-night stand in a nearby love hotel. When she woke up, she found her 'lover' and $1,000 had gone walkies from her purse. Police believe the man is a well-known prostitute who plies his trade in the seamy neighbourhood rather than a thief. The red-faced woman soon learnt that the best things in life are definitely not free. mental decision AN 80-YEAR-OLD woman was mistakenly locked up in a psychiatric ward after complaining about a pain in her belly, the Oriental Daily News said. The poor woman was a patient at Ruttonjee Hospital but after six weeks of treatment, the hospital failed to cure her mysterious abdominal pain and was disturbed by her increasing instability. Without her family's consent, the patient was transferred to Pamela Youde Nethersole Eastern Hospital and locked up in the psychiatric ward. Staff at Ruttonjee claimed the woman had tried to commit suicide but psychiatrists at the Eastern Hospital said she was simply a little depressed and showed no signs of mental problems. The patient's son has filed a complaint against Ruttonjee to the Hospital Authority. cops in fruit-fest WHAT have lychees got to do with cross-border crime fighting? Quite a lot, according to Eastweek magazine. It claims the crimson fruit offers the best opportunity for intelligent exchanges between the Hong Kong police and their counterparts in Shenzhen. Earlier this month, Senior Assistant Commissioner Tsang Yam-pui led a group of high-ranking officers to Shenzhen where cops exchanged policing tips while gobbling down the delicious fruit. The fruit even doubled-up as props in one policeman's tip on crowd control. Not surprisingly other lychee tours are already in the planning stage. warped perspective WOMEN swimmers in Sha Tin are smarting at pool bosses for a rogue mirror in the changing room. The ladies claim the mirror distorts their appearance, claims the Apple Daily. The new mirror is thought to have been installed wrongly and blurs the image of women grooming themselves after a hearty swim. Some women claim they have to sit down after a look in the mirror because it makes them feel so dizzy. bung dung flung A SIMPLE case of mistaken identity is making life a misery for one public housing estate tenant. For loan sharks keep smearing human excrement in his face for failure to repay a loan. The problem, writes the Apple Daily, is that the man does not owe the thugs any money. The rogue lenders, it seems, keep knocking on the wrong door. In the last attack two men claiming to be policemen knocked on his door and hurled human faeces into his face before daubing the walls with graffitti proclaiming the man to be in debt. Such tactics are commonly employed by loan sharks anxious for cash to be repaid by embarrassed borrowers. body amah FOR just $2,400 an hour punters can hire the same professional bodyguards that not so long ago protected the famous world leaders who happened to pop into Hong Kong on their shopping trips. According to Next magazine the now-defunct Special Branch has led to a glut of unemployed officers all too happy to provide their bodyguard services in the private sector by trailing rich local businessmen. In just one company there were 20 ex-Special Branch men, all trained in defusing bombs and debugging offices, and foiling the odd assassination here and there for good measure. The company is headed by two former commanders of the elite Flying Tigers Squad plus an ex-Special Branch chief. Charges range from $2,400 to $800 an hour, depending on the skills and experience of the guards required.