ACCOUNTANT Adrian Bradbury of Greenery Gardens, Pokfulam, found himself with a sticky problem at Lunar New Year. A key ingredient in a dinner party he had organised was fresh whipping cream, a supply of which he had bought from Seibu's food hall. But on the Saturday of the holiday weekend, when absolutely everything was closed, he found the cream was off and totally inedible. He frantically set off to visit every 7-Eleven in town, only to find that they had no cream, only milk. Then he had a brainwave. He phoned the Mandarin Oriental. When Dean Winter at the hotel heard the sad story, he gave a supply of fresh cream to the Bradburys for nothing, salvaging the dinner party. When the shops reopened, Adrian stormed back to Seibu and complained that they had sold him some cream which was ''high as a kite''. Seibu refused to return the $40 cost, and only reluctantly agreed to give him a voucher in compensation. But their smallest voucher was $100 - so they demanded that he buy the rest of the voucher first, for $60 in cash. This is as outrageous as if we offered a refund for dated newspapers. Just send us $9,995 in cash and we'll send you a piece of paper with $10,000 written on it. Eggs rated A LOCAL foodie tells us he was in Bangkok recently when he came across a restaurant offering ''Joke With One Fresh Egg''. Being in need of a good laugh, he sat down and ordered it. What arrived was a bowl of what Hongkong people know as juk, or congee, with a raw egg in it. ''After tasting it, I realised that in culinary terms, the title was completely accurate,'' he said. Cover charge ON December 5, Business Post sent a reporter to a luncheon speech at the Hongkong Management Association. She announced herself as a member of the press, took a few notes, sipped a glass of water, and wrote a news story which we published the following day. This office has now received a bill for $200 from the HKMA for her attendance. We've heard of reporters being bribed to write stories, but this is the first time we've heard of a scribe being charged to do her job. We'd like to bring you full coverage of the doings of the HKMA this year, but first we'd better check to see if we can afford it. Teacher's pet NEIL and Anna McLaughlin of Discovery Bay were interested to read Laurence Goldstein's piece about the problems of gweilo with size nine feet who try to speak Cantonese. In a bid to help them with their Cantonese, they asked their friends what ''dog'' was in Chinese, and were told that it was pronounced ''gow''. So they named their first dog Gow. When Anna took it for walks, she had to frequently call it by name - to the horror of local friends and neighbours. ''We later discovered that we were pronouncing it as part of the male anatomy,'' said Neil. Just remember, people. Gau, low-rising tone = dog. Forget other tones in connection with this word. We know of a sai-yan teacher who decided to try out his Cantonese in a Hongkong classroom. The pupils collapsed in helpless laughter after he said: ''The headmaster has a big dog.'' Or at least, that's what he thought he said. Spam bone ONE of the best-selling Spam cookbooks in the world originated in Hongkong, we were amazed to hear from Irene O'Shea, publicity specialist. Guam's Winning Gourmet Spam Lite Luncheon Meat Recipes from Dorothy's Kitchen by Dorothy Horn was printed by Hongkong's Green Pagoda Press in 1991. Dorothy claims that more than 100,000 copies have been sold in English and Japanese versions. Irene met the writer on a recent visit to Guam, a US territory in the Pacific, and learned about some exotic recipes. ''One of the favourites is Spam sushi,'' she said. Sounds wonderful, Irene. We are jealous. Meanwhile, Tony Giles of the Convention Centre said that if Star Trek's Bones McCoy came across a tin of Spam in a future millennium, his likely comment would be: ''It's food, Jim - but not as we know it.'' String 'im up A MIX-UP between Chinese and English in the new Fortress Television Guide led to a programme being listed for a Friday afternoon as Royalty Specials, about the British Royal family. But because of a rooster-up, the programme actually shown was Strumpet City. At least one Chinese fan of the monarchy called up to complain. Magazine editor Tad Stoner had better tread carefully. Treason is still punishable by death in Hongkong. Schlockwatch IF you think Hongkong manufacturers have been inventing much of the world's schlock lately, read on. Japanese inventor Kenji Kawakami counts the following among his most successful products: 1. A portable washing machine that straps on to the user's leg. 2. A travelling necktie with room for pens, pencils and a calculator. 3. Padded booties for cats so they can dust the floor while walking around. 4. A ''solar flashlight'' that provides a strong beam of light as long as the sun is shining.