Malibu . . . OK, it may be a beach in LA but the name sums up a Caribbean island, coconuts, crystal clear warm seas, beautiful girls, doesn't it? What on earth can it have to do with dank and damp Glasgow? Well, the inhabitants of that big city might be forgiven for wanting to fly away, emotionally at least, from their home town. You see, Malibu is also a heavily-marketed, glitzy-bottled summer drink in the UK, promoted by the rich-hued voice of a West Indian actor in radio ads lulling the listener away to his tropical paradise. I am told this concoction of, what I presume must be coconut and rum - bound to be really, isn't it? - was a favourite tipple with some of the affluent young of the city as they lolled around its many parks in the sunshine. Until earlier this week that was, now it would bring a GBP500 (HK$5,995) fine. Forgive me an aside. It would also appear to be the favourite drink of the 14-year-old son of a friend of mine as well. He was on a school camp a couple of weeks ago and apparently got into trouble, something to do with being out partying with a couple of girls when he should, no doubt, have been otherwise engaged. He wrote back to his wealthy architect father, a pillar of the local community, apologising about what he described as the 'Malibu incident'. Net result - father not so much worried about partying with girls as drinking in its own right. But why did this expensively-educated son have to use Malibu when a good wine, scotch or even beer would have sufficed? In such bad taste. Standards really are slipping. But I digress. The point is you won't find them drinking much of anything in the parks of Glasgow now. The city has joined an increasing number of British towns where it is now illegal to consume alcohol in public. It's gone middle class. And a good thing, you might think, too. After all, nobody likes to see large numbers of drunks sprawled across the grass, surrounded by empty beer cans or bottles of cider. The drunks don't just loll about - they fight, they accost people for money and make a mess too. The quaint city of Bath outlawed outside drinking a couple of years ago after it became infested, if you will excuse the word, with large numbers of New Age travellers begging and offending the tourists. And the tourist dollar is extremely important in a place like Bath. But the problem is that a 'by-law' like this is a bit like one of those dreadful fishing nets which catches everything. It hits the family having a picnic with a nice bottle of red wine as much as the alcoholic. And the prospect of a big fine doesn't put off those who haven't a penny for a drink in the first place. So some old drinking haunts are still operative. The move was aimed at preventing trouble between fans of the rival football clubs Rangers and Celtic on their way to matches. It was also designed to stop large groups of teenagers drinking in the city parks. It will no doubt clean up the place in some ways, although there is nothing to stop trouble spilling out of the pubs. But the odd thing is that Glaswegians' perception of their own city as hard drinking is not matched by that of visitors nowadays. The city may celebrate its culture in the song 'when I've had a couple of drinks on a Saturday, Glasgow belongs to me', but it is perhaps more worried about its image than it needs be. Visitors to the place questioned recently thought they saw less outside drinking and less public disorder than many other places - including big US cities like San Francisco. And have you seen some Scandinavian cities on a Saturday night where drink is sky-high in price? Well, Oslo belongs to nobody.