Chinese quacks, I mean, pharmaceutical industry researchers, claim they have discovered a way to extract the power from one of the most muscular mammalian organs known: the kangaroo's tail. Man Kong Medical and Cosmetic, a Hong Kong company, claims to be 'sold [sic] agent' for a revolutionary new medicine. It is aimed at men who are worried about shortcomings in their performance during conjugal activities, to put it as delicately as possible. 'Kangaroo's tail is as long as its body,' says the 'medical' information supplied with the potion. 'Whenever it jumps along on its strong hind legs and runs, the tail automatically erects so as to maintain its body in a state of balance, as long as kangaroo fights against enemies, the tail immediately and firmly sets up on the ground just like a pole, playing a great role in supporting the whole body . . . 'Thus it can be seen that the supporting capacity and hardness offered by tails are so strong that everybody feel surprised,' the promotional blurb says. Similarly, if men take a small bottle of this twice a day, everybody will feel surprised. Unfortunately, the company's emphasis on the tail is rather emasculated by the fact that it decided to name the product Australia's Kangaroo Penis Extract Oral Liquid. It was shown to me by Derek Forbes of Maunsell Consultants Asia. 'My fiance got this as a gift on her hen night,' he said. 'It's for me, presumably, not that I need it.' Lai See had a baaaad feeling this week. Albert Chan, the Democrats' spokesman on infrastructure, on Wednesday said it was an ominous blow for business that politics was used to decide who got the CT9 container terminal contract. Mr Chan is correct. The cause of my bad feeling is that we left it to a politician to make that vital point. Where are the leaders of Hong Kong's many business groups, chambers and associations? All too busy making sucking noises? Charles Martin yesterday discovered that Hong Kong now has an Internet on-line domestic helper agency, which goes by the wonderful name of Garble Employment. Garble means 'Confused and corrupted'. R. Hownam-Meek of Sai Kung received the following faxed disclaimer from Hewlett-Packard: 'Hewlett-Packard makes no warranty of any kind with regard to this material, including but not limited to, the implied warranties or merchantability and fitness for a particular purpose. Hewlett-Packard shall not be liable for errors or for any direct, indirect or consequential damages from the use of this material.' Builds a warm sense of trust, don't you think? The September newsletter from Montessori Woodland Preschool in Caine Road informs us that there is a new teacher in Class 1 called Ms McCrone. But later on in the letter, her name has become Ms Microbe. Let this be a lesson to all writers who use automatic spellcheckers. Simon Clennell, who pointed this out, said: 'Talk about making a person feel small.' Prince Carpet Palace of Wyndham Street is writing to 'Carpet lovers' in Hong Kong with news of a sale, I hear from recipient Patrick Trainor of Conduit Road. The sale probably will close on October 15, the missive says. 'The sooner the better to avoid the eye-catching and alluring carpets,' the letter continues. Huh? Bill Teng of Union Church noticed that every time the word 'geek' was used on Hong Kong television, the subtitles said hay lip yun - meaning Greek. 'I sure hope the Chinese-reading Greeks in Hong Kong don't take offence,' Bill said. Not to mention the well-established geek community. Steve Schechter of Merrill Lynch was amused to read a story in this newspaper on Wednesday: 'Guangdong plans to invest about $12 a year over the next four years to develop its telecoms industry.' He said: 'If that's Hong Kong dollars, I imagine that means they'll replace the wires between the handset and the wall for four phones.' A staff member of Kim Eng Securities yesterday wrote: 'If you throw the cat with a piece of buttered toast tied to its back out of the window, it will fall, but rather than hit the ground, it will simply spin in mid-air. Hook up a series of such cats to a turbine, and you will solve the world's energy crisis.' Hong Kong travel writer Ed Peters offers this memory of his days as a court reporter in Portsmouth, Britain: Clerk of the court: Now you do realise that because you are a minor . . . The witness, a youth, interrupted: I'm not a miner. I work in a factory.