I thought I'd seen it all when it comes to hotel rules in Asia, but lo, a new set has appeared in the Victory Hotel, Guangzhou. It was picked up by Sandra Whitehouse and passed to me by Bill Lake. If you want to add or change person, you must go through formalities in the reception. (Presumably this rule is intended for post-operative transsexuals returning to the hotel after changing into a new person.) Lock the door when you leave and inform the stuff. ('Listen up, possessions, I'm going out and leaving you here for a while.') Keep silent. (What a cheery place.) No drag. (A possible blow to the transsexual guest mentioned above.) No spitting, no throwing rubbish and no drawing. (Put down that sketch pad, rule breaker.) No radiation and nets. (Sorry, live uranium and hair nets must be left at the check-in.) No vest, no suit and no swimming costume to the public. (Guests must be naked at all times in public areas.) One of the most revealing spelling mistakes (some might call it a Freudian slip) is the rendering of the term 'cocktail parties', which the hotel will organise for you as 'cocktail nasties'. The truth slips out. Another English-language newspaper in Hong Kong refers to Orient Overseas International boss Tung Chee-hwa as a 'shipping magnet'. Are they trying to imply he is used for sticking notes on the side of oil tankers? Regent Pacific chairman Jim Mellon admitted that the value of the Tiger Fund, which Lai See criticised, has moved steadily in the wrong direction. He pointed out that it is less than 1 per cent of the US$2 billion the team looks after. Other funds are rocketing. Why do the Regent lads get into more dramatic scrapes in more countries more often than anyone else? 'Undervalued situations tend to be a bit like oysters,' he said. 'You have to prise the shell open - that is, get past the unwilling management - before you can get to the pearl within.' He is being kind to suggest Hong Kong firms have pearls inside. As one investor friend said to me yesterday: 'My stocks have all been doing so badly lately I keep having to flick between Business Post and the obituaries.' David Anderson of Kennedy Road was in Manila last week, and found himself behind a dilapidated lorry in torrential rain. The sign on the back said: 'IN GOD WET RUST.' It was an accurate description. East Dragon Furniture sent junk mail to flats in Hong Kong Parkview addressed to 'Chinese Antique Lover'. 'I'm Chinese but I'm not an antique,' one resident's wife complained. Decathlon Production Hong Kong and China is advertising for a 'sportive female below 30' with a 'good altitude', I hear from Simon Clennell, chairman of Hong Kong Mensa. If they want a tall girl, they should just say so. Incidentally, she should speak and write English, Cantonese, Putonghua and French, and have computer skills. The job they are offering this superwoman is receptionist. Good luck. Silas Berry, director of Henry Butcher, applied for a corporate Visa card for his company through the firm's bank, Standard Chartered. The bank's institutional banking division wrote back: 'Please be advised that a cash pledge of three times the card amount is a condition for the application.' In other words, the would-be card holder must first deposit triple the proposed credit limit. 'I can't quite work out where the 'credit' element of this arrangement is. We appear to be doing most of the lending,' Silas said. A magazine called The Magistrate , published in Britain, records a statement from a lawyer in court: 'When my client was told by this court that he must not drive again, he thought it only applied to stolen cars.' Richard Pontzious of the Asian Youth Orchestra noted the growing trend to use the word 'up' as a verb. 'A friend of mine wants to write a management book called: How I Upped My Salary and My Advice to You: Up Yours .' Thought for the day comes from an article picked up in Shanghai by Peter Neu of the Hang Seng School of Commerce in Sha Tin: 'The infant morality rate in China was reduced to 31.4 per thousand in 1991 from 150 per thousand in 1960.'