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SCMP Reporter

When Danes welcome their friends and family, they hug and kiss each other on the cheek.

  People in Hong Kong will probably be surprised by such a custom, but kissing and cuddling are common ways for Danes to express affection for parents, children, other relatives and friends of all ages.

  It is common to see the mother of the Danish family I live with kissing or hugging her grown-up children, who are 22 and 26.

  Sometimes, the daughter rests her head on her mother's thigh while they are watching television, and the mother gently strokes her hair.

  When the mother is cooking in the kitchen, the son embraces her warmly.

  Touching enhances love, my Danish host mother told me. However, I felt embarrassed by the cozy scene.

  Danes spend lots of time communicating with their children. While 'keeping silence during each meal' is what happens in Hong Kong, dinner is a most precious time for the whole family to talk in Denmark.

  Sharing, discussion and negotiation are common in a Danish family. Children of all ages can negotiate with their parents, as Danes respect one another and treat each family member as equal.

   Hierarchy does not exist.

  I had a dinner with a Danish teacher's family and witnessed negotiation between the mother and son over whether he could stay at a school party - the son is only three-years-old.

  If the same happened in a Chinese family, the parents would probably make the decision for the young kids. Negotiation is not possible.

  So Danes are good negotiators from a young age.

  Most of the Danes I've met devote most of their time to their family. One of the possible reasons is that the Government doesn't encourage Danes to work too hard.

   It restricts the working week to less than 40 hours. Moreover, Danes prefer to spend time with their family than at work.

  A marketing manager in Denmark told me she works five days a week, from eight in the morning until three or four in the afternoon. Over-time work is uncommon.

  In Denmark, it is a tradition for Danes aged over 17 or 18 to move out and have their own places. However, parents and children visit one another frequently.

  Indeed, there is a strong bond between Danish parents and children.

  In Hong Kong there is an invisible glass wall between parents and children, even though they live under the same roof. When was the last time you touched your parents' hands? Did you talk with them during dinner?   To be honest, I have never touched my parents' hands since I have grown up.

   This is probably because of the hierarchy between my parents and me and the Chinese trait of being shy and less expressive, especially when we grow up.

 Since being in Denmark, I have learned the importance of sharing and mutual respect in enhancing family relations.

  When I go home, the first thing I will do is embrace my parents and talk with them.



Affection way of life for Danish families