A South African (that's pronounced Seth Efrican) gentleman named Jannie Snyman has been settling in to Hong Kong. He has been amazed at the generosity - or perhaps wastefulness - of Hong Kong society. People in the territory traditionally use a quick and easy method of furniture disposal. 1. Put the unwanted item outside your flat or building. 2. Er, that's it. Mr Snyman works late, and often strolls home after the furniture abandoners have been active, but before other collectors have woken. He finds goods arranged in the streets and corridors for his appraisal. It all really started just before Lunar New Year, when Jannie found a beautiful cane chair on Lockhart Road. Then he found a bag of classical music cassettes. Followed by bookshelves. Recent acquisitions include several cushions, three more chairs, a coffee table, a badminton racquet, a draftsman's T-square, and a washing machine. His flatmates put their collective foot down on his latest finds, and he has had to forego a double bed, a shoe cupboard (containing three pairs of shoes), and a gas cooker. He is still hoping for a toaster, a writing desk and a tennis racquet, and supposes a judo tunic and a set of bagpipes are not outside the realms of possibility. A softer, gentler Yaqub Khan revealed himself in Hong Kong yesterday. The Government's sternest critic has fallen in love - with Lavender Patten. He met the Governor's wife on Wednesday at the Harbour Plaza Hotel in Hunghom, at a charity function for old people. 'She's such a decent lady,' he enthused yesterday. 'Dead elegant and classy. She has all the class that Patten lacks. If she were the Governor instead of him, Hong Kong would be such a wonderful place and we would all be so happy.' If Mr Tung Chee-hwa is not enjoying his job, perhaps some sort of swap could be arranged . . ? A half-Singaporean couple wrote to comment on developments in Singaporean law. Some of that city-state's most senior legal brains have endorsed the rule that oral sex, even with your spouse, is a criminal activity. The law is actually enforced, too, with a man recently appearing in a Singaporean court charged with such an offence with a consenting woman. 'What isn't clear is whether this law extends to Singaporeans living outside Singapore, or non-Singaporeans visiting,' said the husband, a banker. He asked that his identify be withheld. 'After all, I'm a sex offender.' Has the Government put the wrong name on your road? It does happen. Peking Road in Tsim Sha Tsui became Peaking Road recently. This week, the authorities announced a system to get such problems fixed. All you have to do is phone the Transport Department to ask the address of your nearest licensing office. Then you have to trek down there and ask for a special pre-printed form. Then you have to fill it in and post it, fax it or hand it in to an office of the Highways Department. I think I'd rather just live in a wrongly labelled street. It was learned yesterday that a sign has gone up on the new airport road in Kwai Chung pointing the way to 'Cheung Shag Wan'. (Spotter: Mike Yalden.) This column ran a series recently on what to write on staff appraisal forms. I hear that an English professor at Ohio University returned a student's work with the following message written on it: 'I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.' Predictably, a torrent of foul e-mail attacks arrived from 'Doctor' George Adams of the Hong Kong Institute of Education, following my brief quotation from him on Tuesday. Less predictably, a torrent of calls and messages from other readers reveal that 'Doctor' Adams has attacked a host of innocents in the territory. In one of his e-mail letters to me, Adams writes: 'You are not Asian; you are not a writer; you are not funny.' He's welcome to believe the third point. But as for the other two, someone had better tell my mother, the mid-wife in Sri Lanka who delivered me, and my boss, who thinks I write this stuff. Just a thought: 'A scout troop consists of 12 little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.' (Jack Benny) Enthroned - You often find that international manufacturers will put illustrated instructions on products which are not indigenous (such as toilet paper in Asia). But consider the above picture from the wrapping of Cellex brand loo paper, sent in by Yvonne Chan. This company, which distributes in Thailand, appears to have got a bit confused. One can imagine the letters they may get from disappointed customers. 'I removed the wrapping and placed my child on the toilet roll as illustrated on your wrapping. Unfortunately there was a hole in the bottom of the toilet roll and my carpet is ruined.'