Sex after school

It was a familiar and sorry little scenario that unfolded before a court earlier this year. A 16-year-old boy had sex with a 12-year-old girl. She became pregnant and eventually gave birth. Chiu Chi-wah ended up before a judge, admitted having unlawful sex and was put on probation. It was, said Judge Peter Surman, a serious offence that could have led to a jail sentence had Chiu been older. But there was a glimmer of a happy ending when Chiu agreed to marry the girl, now 14. And the girl, once a runaway, went back to live with her mother and is now learning how to care for her eight-month-old son, instead of learning how to pass her school exams. There were no surprises here, except perhaps that the young father was prepared to take responsibility for his mistake. The simple fact is that more youths in Hong Kong are having sex in early adolescence. For girls, virginity is no longer valued as a gift to their husband. One-night stands and orgies are common, say social workers. These disturbing trends are borne out in a survey on attitudes towards sex which polled 4,000 Form One to Form Seven students. It was conducted by Leung Wing-yee, assistant director of the Boys' and Girls' Clubs Association of Hong Kong. He discovered that: Eighty per cent of students surveyed start dating at Form Three or below. One out of 10 students had experienced intercourse. The median age when they first had sex was 14. Nearly half of those who had sex had known each other for less than three months. Mr Leung knows where the blame lies: 'When parents and schools are teaching little about sex, youngsters turn to movies, pornographic magazines, the Internet and CD-ROMs for their sex education.' However, there was some cause for optimism in the survey results. Only 1.8 per cent of those questioned said they would sleep with a stranger or someone to whom they had little emotional attachment. 'Youngsters are very liberal about sex but they are not really as casual or as promiscuous as their counterparts in the West,' Mr Leung said. 'But this situation should still be taken seriously.' He also believes there is a large gap between generations when it comes to traditional values relating to sex after marriage and just how much sex itself should be discussed. 'Sex is a normal part of growth,' Mr Leung explained. 'If parents can talk about sex with their children naturally when they are three or four years old, they can have considerable influence on them. If they talk about it later, it becomes embarrassing and a taboo subject.' Mr Leung believes the family and school should take responsibility for sex education. 'They [parents] keep silent sometimes because sex is related to dirty words and they thought talking about sex would encourage early dating. We should help parents to clear up these myths and be more open to talk about sex to their children.' Whatever the reasons, Hong Kong youths are indulging in sex earlier, as social worker Ms Mak testifies. 'Now even 11-and 12-year-olds are very casual about sex,' she said. 'They meet at a place or through friends and have sex that night. Mostly it's the boy who initiates sex, but if the girl has the need she will also take the initiative.' Ms Mak, who makes contact with sexually active teenagers at video-game centres, roller-skating rinks and shopping centres, believes most schools do not give a rounded education when it comes to sex. 'Schools are more conservative when it comes to talking about menstruation, physical changes, why boys have an erection under certain circumstances, what sexual intercourse is,' she said. 'Children in Primary Five are already interested in these topics. 'They are not clear how to interact with the opposite sex. They think that when they have physical contact with each other they are already in love. They don't know there are many other aspects to a relationship like the mental and psychological aspects.' It is common for a young girl to have three or more boyfriends at the same time, and likewise for boys to have three girlfriends. 'They don't understand what it is like to be faithful,' Ms Mak observes. 'The more boyfriends or girlfriends they have, the more proud they are. There is little understanding between them and they break up easily. A relationship lasting half a year is considered long. One or two years is very, very long.' Girls falling pregnant usually have an abortion at the Family Planning Association or take the train or bus to Shenzhen where they can have an abortion for $2,000. But that is not always the case. 'Some of my clients kept their babies,' Ms Mak said. 'The boy takes responsibility and lives with her, or the family helps raise the child. There was a 15-year-old girl and an 18-year-old boy who married after the girl got pregnant. Their family acknowledged them. The girl stopped studying and the boy found a job.' The dangers, however, do not end at pregnancy. Precautions, such as wearing a condom, are rarely taken even though youngsters know about contraception and sexually transmitted diseases. Sex usually takes place spontaneously. If a boy wears a condom, the girl might be offended and accuse him of not trusting her. 'The couple usually go to the boy's home to have sex when the family is not around,' Ms Mak explained. 'They start petting and kissing each other passionately. There may also be two or three other couples at the house and they all have sex, sometimes after taking drugs.' Most youngsters believe sex before marriage is okay. A girl who has never had sex may feel out of place among her girlfriends who have. 'Now, girls don't take virginity seriously,' Ms Mak said. 'The first time they have sex they may feel virginity is important but, after more experiences, they don't think it's important.' When youngsters have sex, the family is usually the last to know. The child rarely raises the subject and parents are reluctant to talk about it. 'We talk to our clients about the consequences of having sex, like contracting sexual disease and getting pregnant,' Ms Mak said. 'They must be responsible for what they have done, which might affect their education and future career. 'We tell them love doesn't grow out of a physical relationship. You have to know each other well before you start a relationship. Only when you are 16 or 17 are you mature enough to handle a relationship.' Tang Yu-chung, a leader with the Salvation Army's Tuen Mun Outreach team, is a veteran social worker. He says that over the past 10 years youngsters have become more liberal about sex. 'When I just started out working, I found that only 15-or 16-year-olds were having sex,' Mr Tang said. 'Now they are 12 or 13. Before, the boy would take responsibility when his girlfriend got pregnant and would think of marrying her. Now there is no such thinking. Neither of them expect any commitment from the other. 'In our generation, we didn't have sex before we married, but now many underage youngsters are having sex. There is less hesitation and inhibition. There are also more opportunities. They don't feel they have to wait until marriage to have sex.' Sex is easy. When a boy has sex with a girl, he may not necessarily have to like her first. He just wants sex. On the street, a girl may walk in front of a boy who will take it as a cue and start talking to her. Later that day they may have sex. 'It is very simple, almost animal-like,' said Mr Tang. 'When I ask a boy if he will marry the girl he had sex with, most of them will say 'no'. They say: 'How could this kind of girl be their wife?' Most relationships don't last beyond a month.' Disturbingly, he finds that sexually active youngsters have scant knowledge about sex. 'They don't know about the menstruation cycle,' Mr Tang explained. 'They think if the boy ejaculates on the girl's body, the girl will not get pregnant. As for abortion, girls believe if they eat more watermelon or jump up and down the pregnancy will be terminated. 'They come to us very worried after having sex. We teach them safe sex. We tell them to avoid being in a situation that will lead them to have sex.'