Ladies and gentlemen, lock up your daughters. Linus Cheung, the hip-swivelling and crooning chief executive of Hongkong Telecom has been back behind the microphone. No female heart is safe. News reaches us that Mr Cheung, who is widely considered a bit of a looker, has been letting go of himself again. Readers may remember that Mr Cheung stood up and treated staff gathered at Telecom's spring dinner to a song. Well, ol' brown eyes has been at it again. Internal Telecom sources who declined to be named (Anna Ngai in the PR department) revealed Mr Cheung stood up at the latest dinner and wowed gathered hacks and staff members alike with his charming singing. Ms Ngai revealed Mr Cheung's voice 'is not husky, but just right'. She declined to reveal how she felt when listening to him, but we detected a definite tremble in her voice at the remembrance. She revealed Mr Cheung had sung 'an old English song', but couldn't remember its title. Thus, Lai See was forced to conduct research into the matter and come up with some possible titles. How about: Ring My Bell by Anita Ward, Call Me by Blondie, I Just Called To Say I Loved You by Stevie Wonder, Hold The Line, Love Isn't Always On Time by someone we can't remember or My Ding-A-Ling by Chuck Berry. Personally, we think the less said about Mr Cheung's ding-a-ling the better. Should he turn to the relationship between Telecom and parent Cable & Wireless, maybe Love Will Tear Us Apart by New Order would be appropriate, or if someone from China's Ministry of Posts and Telecommunications were there, It's Now Or Never would seem to fit the bill. Some cynical commentators have suggested Telecom may be a little disappointed with Mr Cheung's performance since he took the reins. They have suggested his China contacts were not all they were cracked up to be, and have even gone so far as to say he may be relieved from his position within months. Thus, do not be surprised to find yourself happily ensconced in the Captain's Bar only to see Mr Cheung slide up to the microphone and treat you to a rendition of Phil Collins' Hello, I Must Be Going . It's shockingly easy for someone to pass themself off as a judge these days. We know that after receiving a letter purporting to be from Her Majesty's Judiciary, written on authentic letter paper with the embossed seal, and posted in an authentic envelope. But it must be a fake. We can't believe allegations of strange goings-on over the former Chief Justice's expenses are actually true. 'My colleagues and I used to enjoy fairly regular meals at the home of T.L. Yang up on the Peak,' the imposter reminisces. Then, the Chief Justice's entertainment allowance was made a fixed, non-accountable sum. 'After that' our 'judge' friend alleges, 'the invitations quickly dried up and he probably only spent a small fraction of the allowance.' 'I'd like to think that Mr Yang had decided a better use for the funds was to feed those who failed to benefit from the Magistrates' 'Poor Box'.' The thoughts of this 'judge' were inspired by Lai See's comment a few weeks ago that this entertainment allowance had hit $344,700 a year, 43 times the amount allocated to the Magistrates' Poor Box, the cash set aside to help the destitute who find themselves in front of a magistrate. A shocking forgery, obviously. Never keen to be upstaged by its fiercest Asian rival, Singapore is fretting that Hong Kong's handover jamboree will kill its biggest shopping do of the year. A report last week suggested the 'Great Singapore Sale', which kicks off on June 27, is under threat with tourists from the city and the region expected to opt for Hong Kong instead. But the news is not all bad for Lion Cityites. Authorities there are claiming victory in the battle against elevator urinators - that pesky group who rank up there with spitters and opposition politicians in the public enemy stakes. According to the Straits Times , a mere 14 people were nabbed relieving themselves into lifts last year, compared with 40 the previous year. Wonderful that more people are using toilets. Let's hope they remember to pull the chain. Users of public toilets can be hit for up to S$1,000 (or about HK$5,350) for failing to flush them. Still on the subject of toilets, the fame of Urban Council chairman and public toilet renovation fanatic Ronald Leung Ding-bong, has spread far and wide. Responding to a story in Canada's Globe and Mail about Hong Kong's own 'Dr Toilet', a reader of that paper has suggested jettisoning all euphemisms for the humble bog - WC, loo, john, etc - and simply renaming it the 'Ding-bong'. 'Perfect', he adds.