Name: Rico And The Robots.
Or: The Filipino house band you find playing in the lobby bars of hotels and sometimes in nightclubs.
Key ingredients: A drum machine/synth programmer manned by a slightly dazed-looking individual and between one and three singers (uniform: mini skirt, sequinned top, high-heeled ankle boots). The singers take it in turn to butcher easy-listening favourites by singing in a way that even Whitney Houston or Mariah Carey might find a little over the top. The singers also make a point of doing that little dance when you bring one instep neatly into contact with the other before repeating the movement on the other side.
Favourite locale: Behind the potted plants and next to the giant karaoke machine.
Hours of employ: From about 6 pm till midnight. They play in short sets which give them plenty of time to flounce off through the crowd receiving admiring messages from drunken fans.
Standards: I Just Called To Say I Love You, Hello, I Am Sailing, I Will Always Love You, Yesterday.
Reality check: These people are talented musicians (from a land filled with them) who sing excellent original music at home but, alas, are forced to pay the bills by churning out the above song-list for the edification of frazzled tourists and misguided office workers.
