Name: The Model Citizen. As in: The Government Information Service's favourite star of television public service announcements. Age: Young enough to still be attractive (in a sensibly suited, low-heeled-shoes kind of way), but mature enough to get away with lecturing Hong Kong citizens, young and old alike, on the very best ways of leading sensible, civic-minded lives. Role in life: To lecture the public on the ills of smoking, drug abuse, poor maintenance of stairwells, dripping airconditioners, sex, excessively fast driving, leaving kids home alone and, of course, the danger posed by badly prepared food at dai pai dongs. Favourite locales: She is everywhere; rushing around in housing estates; smashing fire alarm glass boxes with her sensible heels; gleefully marching along the Western Corridor as part of a Walk for Millions or a Celebration of Reunification; leaping out into busy streets to grab hold of doddery oldsters who've tottered our into the fast lane; and lecturing shoddy removal company employees and threatening them with the wrath of the Consumer Council. She'd probably role up her sleeves and reinforce a dangerous slope given half the chance. Upbringing: You must understand that the reason our authorities think they can get away with foisting such a sickly goody-two-shoes on us is because our secondary schools are full of them. Newspapers regularly feature surveys of 'Hong Kong youth' in which our wild, rebellious teenagers explain how they disapprove of sex before marriage, drugs, alcohol, loud music and so on. These youngsters grow up to write letters to the papers advocating sensible, decent living, and in some cases, find themselves working in places like the Government Information Services where they really think it's acceptable to warn kiddies on the dangers of sexual abuse by having two cartoon dinosaur creations called Buffy and Puffy suggesting they keep away from groping strangers at the beach. Daily routine: Up early to fawn over husband and 2.2 children for whom she has prepared a nutritious breakfast. Quick spot of tai chi with elderly neighbours, then a charity walk/anti-littering drive. Mid-morning is spent telling off hawkers for littering previously spotless streets, and also warning cooked food vendors not to let hot oil drip on the schoolkids who buy their wares. Just before lunch she and a friend visit the Family Planning Clinic (just for peace of mind, even though neither have had good sex for months). Her afternoon is spent with the handicapped before she rushes home to make sure all medicines and poisonous substances are properly labelled and kept well out of the reach of her children. Then it's time to make sure that the seafood dinners is properly scrubbed before cooking (she uses a toothbrush). After dinner, she and the family settle down to watch some television (with the volume set at a level not to offend neighbours). The perfect day. And then: Having sent the kids out to sniff glue in a playground with some friends, she and hubby do some drugs, have some fellow swingers over for an orgy, bang out some gansta-rap at high volume, assault the police officers who investigate the disturbance and are eventually subdued, arrested and charged - among other things - with claiming to be a senior triad society member.