One man reading this will squirm in his seat. The answer to a question that probably has eluded him for two years is about to be revealed. In 1995, the New Zealand Society in Hong Kong held its annual ball. It was the week before the Rugby Sevens, so the All Blacks were present. While doing the Haka (a dance where you make a face like Maria Tam sitting on a block of ice), one of the players dropped his passport, which was picked up by two young women. They offered it back in return for a small donation to charity as a good-humoured prank. But some members of the rugby union, the New Zealand Society and one sports writer didn't see it that way, and decided the player was being 'blackmailed' by evil elements. The rugby player himself wasn't particularly worried, and even invited one of the young women out for dinner in return for the passport - but without donating to the charity. The rugby correspondent began a hunt for the women concerned and managed to come up with the first name of one of them. This gentle girl, whom we shall call Jane, was so disturbed by the criticism that followed that she attended the sevens weekend in dark glasses and a hooded jacket, occasionally succumbing to tears. Disturbed by this, her friends started the 'Jane Is Innocent' campaign. They proceeded to plaster the whiteboards at Jimmy's Sports Bar with slogans such as: 'FREE JANE . . . with every order of fish and chips' They even got two courageous (okay, drunken) volunteers to join in and offer their derrieres for the cause. These two innocents, who just happened to be in that bar that night, had their bottoms emblazoned with the campaign slogan written in marker pen. Sober the next morning, one of the men couldn't understand why his bottom felt like it had had a thousand needles dancing over it the night before. Yes, you guessed it. He was carrying a Wan Chai souvenir. Tattooed permanently across his lower cheeks were the words: 'Jane is Innocent'. He had never met Jane and until this day is believed to have absolutely no idea who the woman immortalised on his buttocks is, or why she should be considered innocent. Now he knows. Canada is a great place. What a shame it has boring, unsexy Canadians in it. This is the attitude of people in Hong Kong and China, according to poll results reported yesterday. Residents of China and Hong Kong said that if they had to live somewhere other than their home country, Canada would be their second choice after Australia. But only 27 per cent of Chinese and Hong Kong respondents said Canadians were at all sexually attractive. This contrasts with 87 per cent of Ukrainians and 76 per cent of Belgians and Germans, who admitted to being turned on by occupants of that large cold country. The survey was carried out globally by Angus Reid for the Canadian Government. Hong Kongers, remember to use this information to create positive feelings with Canadian officials during emigration interviews. 'Yes, I'm from Hong Kong, but I have always felt that deep down I have a Ukrainian soul.' Adonis Wong of The Tax Journal sent a fax on April 5 to Avis Law, urging her to buy his magazine and learn 'all the latest developments in Hong Kong's tax regime'. He writes: 'This offer is only good until March 14, so make sure you send back the attached form with your cheque by return!' Adonis, dear hunk, you've missed one 'latest development'. The offer you are energetically promoting expired three weeks ago. Exclusive: The actual chat-up lines that US Federal Reserve chairman Alan Greenspan used to propose to his new bride: 1. How would you feel about a long-term peg? 2. Intervention in your market might enhance the firmness of our relationship. 3. My interest has risen to a significant level. 4. A structured link will benefit our downsides, if you know what I mean. 5. Wanna see my huge turnover? A gentleman called Butt yesterday published his intention to be the licensee of a new Causeway Bay wine bar called Al Corso. Perhaps that should be 'Al Torso'? Real name of a Hong Kong company: 'Henchman International'. Just a thought: Mel Blanc (the voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots.