It is the best of thymes, it is the worst of thymes. It is, in fact, a tragic tale of two glass mall-walls. They both have the name Grappa's, which most people fathom as a jolly restaurant in Pacific Place; although no one goes to it for real Italian food, the pastas and pizzas are passable, and the restaurant's namesake liqueurs can get you looped with a few libations. This Grappa's has a glass-wall window through which you see and are seen. Waving to friends outside, inviting them in for a drink or three, observing the hustle and bustle of Pacific Place even after sundown is a Hong Kong diversion. Now we come to the second glass wall, of another Grappa's, this one in another mall, in Ocean Centre. It is also - and this must be emphasised - under entirely different management and ownership. The Kowloon Grappa's is also an entirely different kettle of minestrone, for sitting in this restaurant after sundown can be almost an appalling experience. In effect, one is not only not seen, but one prays for invisibility, just in case somebody passes by. I did not know this Grappa's existed, but when a friend invited me to try it - she wanted an early meal before going to the Cultural Centre, and the place was convenient - I agreed. And regretted it. I like Hong Kong Grappa's but the Grappa's in Kowloon has too many problems: atmosphere, service and food leave much to be desired. Of atmosphere, there is none. Should you get a window seat, you could stare down, longingly, on Canton Road. Otherwise, the mall-wall here looks out on the barren tiled first-floor Ocean Centre corridor, which is devoid of decoration, people, or even advertising. It is like the scenic view of an extremely colossal barren lavatory. While Hong Kong Grappa's offered honestly amiable welcomes, in Kowloon I perceived a sullenness. The room was empty, a few waiters wandered around, but they probably did not want to be disturbed. Nothing was violently wrong, but it was obvious that no one wanted you to actually take pleasure from your dinner. The service was also sloppy. My guest had arrived early, and some olive oil was poured in her butter plate. I had none. Nor did they wish to give me water. They avoided the subject and when I finally said I did not need mineral water, I would take tap, they more or less slammed it on the table. Still, the first courses were not too bad at all. The first plate was duck sausages ('our own, on a skewer', the menu said, but neither was true). They had a nice tang and came with a pleasant polenta, and lots and lots of radiccio lettuce. I mention this because everything except the chocolate mousse came with radiccio lettuce. My guest, though, asked for a dressing, hoping for some Italian vinegar and olive oil. Instead, they brought out the mayonnaise. Nobody seemed to care. She also had cannelloni which could have been bought in Sogo. It was edible. I made the mistake of thinking Grappa's was a real Italian restaurant, and asked for a vegetarian antipasto plate. The waiter agreed, and I recalled wonderful nights of laughter with these platters in Italy. The result was weird. It consisted of three cheeses, and some stewed eggplant. Nobody ever thought about adding mushrooms or onions, or even vegetables. My second error was believing the restaurant could make something approximating Italian risotto. Visiting Italians tell me no risotto dish in any restaurant can be good, that its preparation is so time-consuming only housewives do it well. At Grappa's, to make a short story shorter, their risotto was your basic boarding school rice pudding. At least, I thought, it included the mushrooms which had been missing on my antipasto. How happy I was they had not included them. The mushrooms tasted like medicine. One spoonful was all we needed before pushing it aside. Ditto for the lasagne, which was cold, stiff and inedible. Frankly, this is the kind of restaurant in which to lose weight, for you do not eat. For the sake of the story, we ordered their chocolate mousse. Non-Americans won't know this, but it tasted like My-t-Fine Pudding, a concoction aimed at children which predated Food and Drug Administration rules. The meal, thank heavens, was not a total disaster. We still had a whole menu of grappas - those wonderful distilled grape husks. And boy, did we need a drink! For while the meal came to $636, the grappa was harsh, coarse, razor-sharp and easily the best thing on the whole menu. GRAPPA'S, 105-108 Ocean Centre, 5 Canton Road, Tsim Sha Tsui, Kowloon. Tel: 2317-0288. Hours: 12 noon-12 midnight