Unnatural objects of digestive desire

WHEN I bumped into my friend Tim in Park'N Shop, he looked guilty and nervous, as if he had been caught indulging a bizarre perversion in public.

When I looked into his shopping trolley, I realised that that was exactly what he'd been doing. ''Oh,'' I said, with a malicious grin. ''Wife away again, is she?'' The tell-tale item was clearly visible, although tucked behind his other shopping. It was a packet of pigs' trotters: a fatty and unsightly meal which does not commend itself to the kitchens commanded by squeamish women like his wife.

The rest of his purchases reinforced my initial hypothesis. They were a selection of Quintessential Guy Foods: four canisters of Pringles potato crisps, three tins of canned meat, a box of instant mashed potato, a bag of frozen chips, six microwave meals, and a case of Carlsberg.

Yes, life without the spouse/ partner/significant other differs dramatically from life with the beloved. However close you and your loved one are, your shopping list alters when feeding only yourself.

I do not know what Tim's wife's secret dining perversion is, but I know what women eat when they are on their own. This I learned by leering into the shopping basket of a group of young women who live in a testosterone-free flat near me.

A basket of Quintessential Girl Foods contains: a four-pack of yoghurt, an iceberg lettuce, three bags of lentils, assorted vegetables, cream of mushroom soup, a huge number of chocolate bars and a case of Diet Coke.