Maintenance contract that's fine unless you read Telecom CSL's finest fine print

If you sign a 'maintenance contract' for your mobile phone with Hongkong Telecom CSL, you have to pay $70 a month.

The first thing they do is send you a disclaimer: 'The maintenance, repair or replacement work to the Equipment or any part thereof do not cover the malfunctioning, breakdown or damage to and of the Equipment arising from or occasion by normal wear and tear, any misuse, negligence, [etc, etc].' It continues: 'Hongkong Telecom CSL may at the Customer's request carry out the maintenance, repair or replacement work but subject to the Customer paying Hongkong Telecom CSL's prevailing charges for the provision of such services.' In other words, the 'maintenance contract' does not cover maintenance. Paying the maintenance fee does not mean you don't have to pay it again.

This is another in a series of outrageously wriggly legal documents from this company, the kings of the small print.

It's a pity we didn't get Hongkong Telecom's legal department to draft the Joint Declaration. They would have promised to give away the world, and then taken it all back again in tiny writing.

Seen on a Coca-Cola machine in City University, Hong Kong: 'If this drinks machine is out of control, please telephone . . .' (Spotter: Norman Flynn.) Apparently this machine rampages around at night, fuelled by the huge amounts of caffeine and sugar inside it.

News flash on the Reuters business wire: 'Heaven dips.' Heaven, apparently, is listed on the Johannesburg stock exchange. It has not been doing too well lately.