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Mark the new era with a spot of pig catching

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There seem to be an awful lot of handover celebrations. This makes it difficult to keep track of the most choice items. So here are a few good things you may have missed.

The Hiram's Highway Hog Festival will be held on New Dawn day one. Greasy pig catching, guess the weight of the piglet and other country pursuits. Highlight is the hog race, in which a herd of porkers in business suits will vie to be first to get their noses in the trough.

The Pol Pot Supporters Club, Overseas Division, will hold its annual get-together in Hong Kong on day two. Present will be representatives of all those countries which managed for years to combine a public position supportive of human rights with a private position supportive of Mr Pot.

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Highlight: the director-designate of Xinhua (the New China News Agency) staff choir will lead all those present in singing a new song written for the occasion, called We Do Not Interfere In Other Countries' Internal Affairs.

Day three will see further progress in the introduction of the Special Administrative Region's (SAR) new system of honours and awards: the first investiture for awardees of the Golden Toothpick for Resistance to Colonial Oppression.

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The presentation to patriotic former members of the local underworld will be held in Stanley Prison for the convenience of the recipients.

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