STAFF at Thailand's airline, Thai International, are attempting to adopt a more professional attitude - but not necessarily at all ranks. This we say after hearing at the weekend about an incident concerning the assistant vice-president for aviation personnel development, Captain Sa-ad Sobsatrasorn. He boarded a Thai flight from Bangkok to Chiang Mai the other day, only to find the plane full. Never fear - he knew that every flight carries a spare flight crew seat, normally left vacant. To his dismay, he found this occupied by a passenger - one who had paid a fare for the journey, no less. Captain Sa-ad was in a quandary, since he had no air ticket and was not in uniform. But he decided to make his presence as a senior executive in the personnel department felt anyway. He demanded that the crew throw the fare-paying passenger in the crew seat off the plane and give it to him. The flight captain, a pilot from Sweden, flatly refused. Captain Sa-ad thundered: ''Do you know who I am?'' When the pilot continued to refuse, the executive stormed: ''I have just fired you!'' The pilot, fired or not, forced Captain Sa-ad off the plane, earning himself a round of applause from the cabin crew and the everlasting gratitude of underdogs everywhere. Bull market WE note that a firm in China is looking for a ''fertiliser marketing manager'' with at least five years' experience in the stuff. Actually, there are loads of fertiliser artists in Legco, but we know them as something else there. Baby book CARTOONIST Larry Feign got a furtive call from a friend at Datapoint Far East in the Lippo Centre. ''When is Lily Wong's baby due?'' asked the caller. ''And what is it going to be called?'' The caller explained that bets were being taken in his office about these two matters. Larry was amazed. ''You mean money is actually changing hands about this?'' ''Sure,'' said the caller. ''And because you know me, you are asking me for inside information? And you didn't even offer me 50 per cent? I'm calling the ICAC,'' thundered an outraged Larry. For anyone curious, Lily's baby is due in May. ''But like any baby, it could be premature or overdue,'' said Larry. ''The only thing we do know in advance is the time. It will be delivered at about 5.30 am when the first editions of the South China Morning Post are delivered.'' Bad form DO the citizens of the suburban bubble called Taikoo Shing often drop things on neighbours? We ask because a letter was recently sent to residents of Kin On Mansion, complaining that somebody was throwing condoms out of the windows. The odd thing was that it was a pre-printed form letter, and the name of the building and the particular descending objects had been filled in later, as if it happens all the time. The form letter says: ''It is brought to the concern of management that [blank] were [blank] out of [blank] recently . . . ''Those responsible for such mindless acts are reminded that the laws of Hongkong carry a very severe penalty for anyone found guilty of such an offence. ''The case will be referred to the police immediately once the offending resident(s) are identified.'' We are glad to be reminded of such laws, because, to be honest, we cannot recall any Statute on Prophylactics (Airborne). Child's play FIND it hard to speak with an accurate French accent? Chris Tait of Hongkong Bank showed us a remarkable piece of poetic Franglais which truly exercises the mouth. What does it mean? Nothing - it's gibberish. But read it out loud in a French accent and an English nursery rhyme magically appears. Un petit d'un petit cette en eau halles Un petit d'un petit a deux gris falles Au le quinze hors seize et au le quinze mains Que deux non peut un petit tout guerre de regaine. If you can't work it out, the answer is in the last item in this column. Line of fire RICHARD Pontzious was heading home to Hongkong from Shanghai, where he was organising auditions for the Asian Youth Orchestra, when he noticed a warning on a red fire box at Shanghai Airport. ''Fire alarm telephone in this box. Please keep back after using.'' Richard said: ''What does the phone do? Burst into flames?'' Oblique accent DON'T read this item first (We know some pesky dysfunctional readers always start at the end.) This is the answer to the question in an earlier item called ''Child's play''.sub please insert headline over relevant item here thank you The nursery rhyme is Humpty Dumpty. Say the poem out loud a few times, and we guarantee that in no time at all, you weel bee tokking avec un tres strrrong et attracteef Frensssh accent comme l'Ongkong restaurateur Maureeece Gardette.