SILENCE is golden'' when applied appropriately. Yet when two people are having a disagreement, silence can become a powerful weapon, ultimately causing misunderstanding or hostility.
Joe and Mary have been married four years and admit they do not talk to each other much. Even their arguments are brief, devolving quickly into silent truces.
According to Joe, whenever there is a disagreement he feels he is being blamed and attacked. So he adopts silence as his way of keeping the peace.
''I'm afraid to stir her up,'' he says, believing his silence gives his wife a chance to calm down. Unfortunately, discussion does not resume afterwards and problems never seem to be tackled.
For Mary the only way to get peace is to resolve problems immediately as they arise. Therefore she pushes Joe to talk things out.
Yet whenever she wants to bring things up, Joe turns silent. She perceives this as disapproval and rejection.