Have you had breakfast yet? Oh good. I wouldn't want you to be reading this over your morning cereal or congee.
That's because I want to talk about illnesses and their side effects today, starting with phlegm.
According to the medical column in the latest edition of Kanga News , the monthly newsletter of the Australian Association of Hong Kong, a lot of foreign residents of the SAR develop a tendency to produce a constant stream of phlegm that starts six to 12 months after getting here.
In the words of the doctor who wrote the column, whom we can't name because the local medical associations ban anything that might smack of advertising, generally sufferers feel alright, although they might also have a heavy head, congestion and tender sinuses.
Pardon me while I swallow - oh - that's better. The doctor has christened the condition Hong Kong Nose and suggests it is caused by pollution and the mould in the SAR's atmosphere.
Lai See has no formal medical qualifications, but this column has nevertheless identified a number of other physical conditions that affect foreign and local residents alike, and are also, like Hong Kong Nose, unique to this city.
Perhaps the most widespread malady is Hong Kong Waist (Amahhireous). Its symptoms include an inability to bend down and pick anything from the floor, or to lean over and make beds or to dust shelves. Usually it appears three months after signing a domestic helper's contract of employment.