Cleaning your pipes made easier with a rare, superfine Rolls-Royce of plonk

Rich in chemicals such as iron, vitamins and amino acid! Able to clear grease and absorb fat! Are we describing the waters of Victoria Harbour? Not all at - this is part of an advertising blurb for 'the famous brand and 10 years rare reserve, the superfine wine, popular in Europe.' Caroline Finn, manager of the Decanter wine shop in Exchange Square was handed the blurb by a sales rep working for the distributors HK Cabernet International Enterprises of Hunghom.

Cabernet Dry Wine is clearly a Rolls-Royce among plonk. Not only is it suffused with more chemicals than the average laboratory, but it can be 'functioned as a tonic to rapidly nourish one's daily drain on the physical strength and will help you relax'.

Lai See is familiar, often too familiar, with the effects of the fermented grape, but we have never heard it described as a health tonic. Not so Cabernet - 'made from a world-famous kind of grape with no chemical fertiliser and farm chemicals at planting and without any sugar and alcohol put in at planting.

'Its 100 per cent natural food acknowledged throughout the world.' As Caroline notes, what was not acknowledged by the sales rep was from what vineyard or country the wine originates and what it costs.

A reader working at Hongkong Bank faxed through a complaint about a mobile phone he had bought from New World Telephone.

Twice the handset failed and each time the fault was reported to the maintenance department. After the second instance, our correspondent asked for the telephone to be exchanged for one in better order.