Rich in chemicals such as iron, vitamins and amino acid! Able to clear grease and absorb fat! Are we describing the waters of Victoria Harbour? Not all at - this is part of an advertising blurb for 'the famous brand and 10 years rare reserve, the superfine wine, popular in Europe.' Caroline Finn, manager of the Decanter wine shop in Exchange Square was handed the blurb by a sales rep working for the distributors HK Cabernet International Enterprises of Hunghom. Cabernet Dry Wine is clearly a Rolls-Royce among plonk. Not only is it suffused with more chemicals than the average laboratory, but it can be 'functioned as a tonic to rapidly nourish one's daily drain on the physical strength and will help you relax'. Lai See is familiar, often too familiar, with the effects of the fermented grape, but we have never heard it described as a health tonic. Not so Cabernet - 'made from a world-famous kind of grape with no chemical fertiliser and farm chemicals at planting and without any sugar and alcohol put in at planting. 'Its 100 per cent natural food acknowledged throughout the world.' As Caroline notes, what was not acknowledged by the sales rep was from what vineyard or country the wine originates and what it costs. A reader working at Hongkong Bank faxed through a complaint about a mobile phone he had bought from New World Telephone. Twice the handset failed and each time the fault was reported to the maintenance department. After the second instance, our correspondent asked for the telephone to be exchanged for one in better order. This was a decision only the Customer Complaint Section could make, and it would take about 14 days before they could respond. Could the handset be taken to the office to cut down on waiting time? No sorry, out of the question. The name, address, and telephone number could not be disclosed, prompting our informant to speculate that in this age of freedom of information, getting a response from MI6 or the CIA is probably easier than from New World Telephone. As gold plunged in value across Asia yesterday, reports flooded in about patriotic citizens across the region donating the precious metal to help out hard-pressed national economies. In Korea, the organisers of a campaign to hand over gold said donors would be paid back in won - which sounds like an active disincentive not to join. Matters appear to be worse in Thailand. A spokesman for the Thai military has said it will collect the gold, although it is not clear if it will be done at gunpoint to bulwark the embattled baht. Tom Hope, a partner with law firm Linklaters is obviously fed up with hearing lawyer jokes. Instead he has decided to make up a few of his own. Hope is the author of At Sixes and Sevens which premieres at the Fringe Club next week, and a colleague at the firm, Roland Sinker plays one of the main roles. The sixes and sevens refer to the sawn-off versions of cricket and rugby that Hong Kong has taken and made its own, and chronicles some of the bad behaviour we have all come to know and love. Hope says one scene will include a full-on streak across the stage - a case of corporate exposure perhaps? The New York Times reported yesterday how retired ABC News anchorman David Brinkley is causing waves in his old newsroom, a year after leaving. Brinkley is the star turn in a series of television commercials for the agribusiness company Archer Daniels Midland that have been running on United States network news programmes in the past week - including Brinkley's former weekly discussion programme, This Week. ABC is worried that their audience will think Brinkley still works for the network and made This Week 's co-anchor Cokie Roberts issue a disclaimer after the ad ran for the first time. Picture this-The latest Inchcape Pacific magazine makes it very clear who the company's new chairman of the board is. The dashing features of Executive Councillor Raymond Ch'ien Kuo-fung appear 14 times in the first 11 pages. Curiously Mr Ch'ien's picture does not appear once after that, although by then few readers will be in any doubt who is in charge. In the interests of variety, we have taken one picture and given it the Andy Warhol treatment, reasoning that in the future, everyone will be famous for 14 exposures.